One of the first things I gave up was my wish to retaliate when someone wronged me. I learned that God is in charge of that. “Vengeance is Mine; I will repay,’ saith the Lord” (Romans 12:19). I learned I was supposed to leave the discipline and judgment of others to God. But I found exercising forgiveness difficult. I could eventually forgive the act, but I was tempted to hold a grudge against the person, who wronged me.
One of the most difficult things for me to do has been to practice forgiveness. My feelings are easily hurt, and I seem to suffer for days when I'm feeling offended.
For years I lived in a gloomy fog of depression, stress, and stomachaches. I had no appetite. I carried the spirits of anger and hate around like we were good friends. And, sometimes, I thought about ways I could repay the wrong I had suffered.
But I've found a better way to cope with hurts. I experienced God's forgiveness in my own life, and now I can forgive others.
One of the first things I gave up was my wish to retaliate when someone wronged me. I learned that God is in charge of that. “Vengeance is Mine; I will repay,' saith the Lord” (Romans 12:19). I learned I was supposed to leave the discipline and judgment of others to God.
But I found exercising forgiveness difficult. I could eventually forgive the act, but I was tempted to hold a grudge against the person, who wronged me.
A sermon I heard on forgiveness introduced me to Matthew 6:14, 15: “If ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: but if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
“When we forgive others, in response to God's forgiving us,”the minister said,” the benefits are wonderful. We become healthier physically, mentally, and spiritually.”
Before that time, my stomach was in knots more often than it was relaxed. My face and jaw muscles would tense with anger, and my blood pressure would rise when I thought about a wrong I'd experienced.
Could I forgive? Could I really look at the situation the way God expected me to? Not without His help. Through prayer I uncovered the ugly hurt I'd harbored in my life. I explored the ridges and folds of the pain in the light of God's forgiveness. I realized my unforgiving spirit had been a sin, and I gradually came to repentance. It took a long time, but I reached the place where I could say with conviction, “Yes, Lord, I'll release my hurt and give it over to You.”
After I prayed to God for forgiveness and confessed my sin, a warm feeling of love filled my spirit. My stomach relaxed and my breathing became deep and free. It seemed as if chains had been removed from my heart.
I never thought it would happen—and certainly it wouldn't have without God's power—but I sought out the one who had caused me pain. I apologized for my unforgiving spirit and years-long grudge. In turn, I received an apology. Our friendship was not only restored, but renewed with a deeper level of understanding.
Because I asked God's forgiveness for my sin of being unforgiving, I can now forgive a wrong done to me. Finally, I also know without doubt that I am in God's care. I am His child, and He knows my hurts. All I must do is put my problems in His healing hands.
