I have been drug free for three years, and my identity was completely restored. I finally have peace and owe it all to Jesus Christ.
I was barely a teenager when I began smoking pot and dabbling with Ouija boards. In less than three years, I was running cocaine for a big dealer and sold my soul to the devil. Moving into an apartment with like-minded drug addicts and criminals, we spent our time snorting coke, smoking crack, dealing drugs, vandalizing churches while on LSD, and committing petty theft. I read the satanic bible on a nightly basis, as if I would gain brownie points from the devil. Landing in jail eight times, I should have had several felonies but God showed me mercy. I would steal anything that wasn't nailed down, and it didn't matter who I stole from.
I dealt ecstasy in a night club for over a year, and overdosed on Ketamine, a club drug, over and over without learning any lessons.
Satanic rock like Nine Inch Nails and Alice in Chains were my favorite bands and I openly displayed my hatred for God to whoever was in my life at the time. I used everyone I met to get whatever I wanted, and thought they were useless unless they could do something for me.
In 2009, my plans were to move to Los Angeles and become a drag king dancing for women for money, getting a license to grow pot, and trying to break into writing.
The events that lead up to this began happening in October of that year, in Fairfield, California. I began having what I felt was a nervous breakdown. Every night after work, I found myself crying, and not just crying, but sobbing over what, I did not know. What I do know is, I couldn't stop. This happened for weeks.
At this time I should have been content. I had ended a tumultuous four-year relationship and was planning a move to LA to embark on a whole new journey. When I was driving back to Sacramento where I was currently staying, I heard Someone speaking to my heart. It wasn't audible but He was speaking nonetheless. It was as if I was being offered a fork in the road. "If you make that your last pack of cigarettes, you won't have any withdrawals."
What? I began to believe I was losing my mind. This would make sense with all the crying fits but it was repeated. Well, that got my attention because I hated those cigarettes. I smoked almost two packs a day of Marlboro Reds and they were killing me. I always thought, "What a waste. You don't even get high." So this was something I was interested in.
I picked up the pack and there were six left. So I chain smoked them back to the room to see what would happen. I never picked another one up again and indeed, I had absolutely no withdrawals. Amazing? Yes. Enough to deter my plans? No.
I packed and left for one final job in Seattle. When I moved to Seattle, I began to feel different. Like a weight was beginning to lighten. They asked me to come to Spokane to help out there and I did.
One night in my hotel, I went to bed completely homosexual. My mannerisms, dress, body language, etc., all very masculine.
I hated men, angry at every one for the abuse that I had suffered by a neighbor when I was a child. When I awoke, there was a presence in the room that I cannot find the words to completely explain. It was a peace I had never experienced before. It was as if nothing had ever been wrong, nothing could be wrong, and nothing could ever be wrong again. I felt the presence leaving the room, and I jumped up in bed and yelled, "No! Don't go!" But it was too late.
Now this whole event only lasted maybe five or six seconds, believe it or not, but it will truly be something I remember for the rest of my life. I got up and decided I would smoke a little weed and try to figure things out.
What was happening to me? It seemed spiritual, but I couldn't put the pieces together.
I turned the TV to a news anchor that was on in the mornings that I liked and couldn't understand why she wasn't interesting to me. Something was seriously wrong. I decided to get ready for work and figure it all out later. When I made it to work, I found myself watching a guy jogging down the road and couldn't take my eyes off of him. He was gorgeous. I never looked at a man that way in my entire life.
I panicked, calling people for advice, breaking down, feeling shocked and confused. Now I knew what had happened. It began to make sense.
I looked up and asked a very crazy question. "Did You make me straight?" I wasn't prepared for what I was about to hear. "Yes and I have the right man for you. All the crying you experienced was the healing from the abuse you suffered. I want you to go into the world and tell your story to as many who will listen. I want to use you to deliver those who are bound by the enemy."
So my first reaction was, "I don't know how to be a girl. I don't know how to dress like a girl, talk like a girl, walk like a girl, none of it. What am I going to do?" And He said, "I will teach you." And that He did.
I have been drug free for three years, and my identity was completely restored. I finally have peace. And I owe it all to Jesus Christ.
I want the rest of my life to be used to showcase not only God's power, but His mercy as well. There is no doubt in my mind that without the mercy and love and patience of Jesus Christ, I would be dead or in prison. Take it from me. If He could reach me, He can reach anyone. Never give up hope for the people you pray for. My mom never did. She didn't believe in me, but she always believed in Him. God bless.
