What is the bravest thing you’ve ever done?
A man might answer that question by saying he fought in a war. A woman might say letting her only child leave home took the most courage.
I’ve survived fires, floods, blizzards, accidents, earthquakes and illness but what has taken the most courage wasn’t disasters. What has taken the most courage has been small things that went unnoticed by others.
It takes courage to do things we don’t want to do but know they are the right thing to do.
Smiling when we felt like crying great, gut wrenching sobs.
Courage is keeping your mouth shut when you know you are right but speaking would hurt someone.
Living alone takes courage; getting old without complaining takes courage.
Putting other people’s needs ahead of your own and expecting nothing in return takes courage.
Watching the person you love marry someone else and wishing them happiness takes courage.
A brave person admits their real weight and real age.
A brave person says they’re sorry even when they feel the other person is wrong.
It takes courage to eat food you really hate so you don’t hurt your wife’s feelings.
It takes courage to swallow your pride and ask for help when you need it.
Only a truly brave person can stand firm on their beliefs when everyone has turned against them. Being different, not fitting in, but following your own heart takes courage.
I knew a woman who had three teenage sons. She had such a small income, everything was a struggle. She tried hard to make sure her sons had a good, hot meal for dinner every day. She’d serve steak and roast beef and chicken and potatoes. She always ate her own dinner before her children ate theirs and while they ate their dinner, she’d just have a cup of tea. Some people criticized her for putting herself ahead of her children and were convinced she took the best food for herself before she fed her children and that she didn’t even eat with them because she was already full.
I knew her. I knew that before she served her children dinner she’d put food on an empty plate and stir it around and without taking a bite, she’d put the food back into the skillet. The plate would look like someone had eaten dinner from the plate and she’d put it in the sink to be washed. She’d save all the “good” food for her children but she wanted them to believe she’d already eaten. After the children went to bed, she’d eat a bowl of oatmeal.
I know she lived on cereal and oatmeal and little else for months, saving the “good food” for her children but she didn’t want them to know.
She could have told people she was making a sacrifice, she could have defended herself, explained she was giving her portion of food to her sons. She could have told people about leaving a dirty plate in the sink so her sons would think she’d already eaten. She kept silent.
It takes courage to make a sacrifice, it also takes courage to keep silent about the sacrifice.
All of us do hundreds, thousands of small things that take courage. We do things without expecting to be thanked or appreciated or even noticed. We do them because it’s the right thing to do. We won’t be rewarded or be on the evening news, but we’ve made the world better for a day or an hour or even for five minutes.
It’s hard to start over again, to start a new job when you aren’t sure you can do it. Learning to use a computer when you’re over 60 is hard for some people.
It takes courage to grow old. Telling your children you are happy moving into a retirement home when you aren’t happy but you know they can’t take care of you without disrupting their lives and using their savings. You smile bravely and talk about how good the food is and how many new friends you’ve made. You are giving your children their freedom. You are brave. The older we get, the braver we get. The braver we have to get.
No matter how many aches and pains we might feel, we say we are “fine”.
Letting go of the past, letting go of our children might be the bravest thing we’ve ever done. They might seem like small things and no one will ever give you a trophy or a medal, but in a small, quiet way, the things you did might have changed someone’s life, made their life better.
It’s nothing short of heroic.
Crying Wind is the author of Crying Wind and My Searching Heart, When the Stars Danced, and Thunder in Our Hearts, Lightning in Our Veins. All her books are available from Indian Life.
