Seeking forgiveness and forgiving yourself
If you are a survivor of child abuse, don’t be surprised if you feel overwhelmed with the enormity of it. Take comfort. There is hope and I encourage you to ask for help for yourself!
If you do not take care of your anxiety, fear, shame, guilt or anger, you will become very tired. You may be depressed due to having made poor choices birthed out of the pain of your past. This situation leads to deeper depression, which can lead to thoughts of suicide. Perhaps you are tempted with thoughts of taking your life or know someone who is. Here are things you need to know and steps to take.
Those most at risk are people with a previous suicide attempt, people with mental disorders and/or who are on drugs and alcohol. Males are at greater risk than females.
Live one day at a time
If you are the one who is contemplating suicide, I understand your pain. Put your trust in God and live one day at a time. I did not crawl out of my despair overnight. It took time. To this day I am more grateful for the healing and hope that has come out of my hopelessness than I am to have a roof over my head. God has walked me through this very worthwhile journey.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Romans 15:13).
The words “childhood” and “sexual abuse” do not belong together. Put together they describe an atrocity that should not be. I shudder to think what God must think of this.
You will need to lean on God
I would advise that before you embark on a healing journey, that you prayerfully consider a network of support and safety. And search yourself, asking God if now is the time for you. If it is, enlist good friends, a pastor, a support group or whomever God places on your heart as an instrument He can use to see you through. However, do not expect them to rescue you. You will need to learn to stand and rely on God. This means taking personal responsibility for your own journey and casting your cares on God. Pattern yourself after Jesus as an excellent example. He tells us to do so.
It will take faith-fed courage to defend those boundaries, especially those around your recovery. But know this, God is OK with boundaries—He set them up Himself in the Promised Lane. Since the enemy wants what you have, including this potential for recovery, you must listen to the Spirit of God when someone has disturbed your peace. When peace is gone you know that you must be on spiritual alert and set up some extra spiritual guard when someone is threatening your recovery. We do not fight against flesh and blood but against the powers of darkness (Ephesians 6:12).
You must forgive
Before you can confront you must forgive. Understanding where the pain and the manifestations of it are coming from can help you forgive yourself and others. It helps restore confidence and builds a healthier self-image which will translate into a God-image and God-esteem.
The words of the Bible bring healing when we practice them. Forgive for your own sake so you are no longer held in bondage with bitterness and resentment.
Forgiveness of others sometimes makes forgiveness of yourself easier too. If your abuser blamed you for the abuse, the shame needs to be released.
After you have forgiven your abuser, the time finally comes to confront them about their behavior. You will have no agenda for revenge when you meet them. Vengeance belongs to God. Confrontation is to give them an opportunity to come clean before God, and even if they don’t, after this meeting they have moved into a place of accountability. They can deny, or choose any number of responses, but it has now become their responsibility. You should forgive in your heart, regardless, but the person has to say more than “I’m sorry” to be in relationship.
I would recommend to anyone to forgive regardless of whether the abuser is dead or alive, repentant or not. Whether they repent or not will only determine if you can be in relationship with them.
Reconciliation does not always happen right away. I know that many will be angry just reading the word “reconciliation” and say things like, “There is no way!” and “If you knew what they had done, you wouldn’t either!” At least you are honest about it. Now be honest about how much it hurts.
At this time of year when we celebrate the birth of Jesus, we need to remember that this is why He came. He wants to stop the hurting and He wants you to have life to the fullest (John 10:10). He is the Redeemer. As you anticipate the possibility of a healing journey you may experience some fear, hope and even nervousness. Nevertheless, after you have gone down this path, remember that joy comes in the morning. It is the experience of breakthrough.
You will experience a peace you have not known possible before. Helpless and hopeless will seem like lies from a distant past.
Adapted from Does the Owl Still Call Your Name? © 2000 published by Indian Life Books. You can order this book from Indian Life.
