Mental Illness Is Not a Defect

Mental illness was in the news a lot in 2016. Reports say one in four people deal with mental illness. Writer Mikaela Conley reporting for Good Morning America stated back in 2012 that only about 60 percent of those with mental illness get treated. This is not good.

Many people, including many in the church, see mental illness as a weakness and even go so far as condemning those who have mental illness.

Other times mental illness is just not talked about.

Ed Stetzer, executive director of LifeWay Research says, "Because of the way we have ignored mental illness, we are hurting people."

These attitudes need to be confronted with truth. And the most powerful truth that can be shared is believers sharing their own struggles and successes with mental illness with other believers. No one is going to talk about it unless the people dealing with mental illness start the conversation.

Author Amy Simpson agrees. She writes, "People who live with mental illness, whether their own or someone else's, need to break the silence. They need to speak and be heard in the church and elsewhere."

So, I want to tell you my story in hopes it will encourage readers to seek mental health help if they need it. Living with untreated mental illness doesn't make us strong. Ignoring mental illness doesn't make us more faithful. Jesus tells us in John 8:32 that "the truth shall make you free."

Here is my story:

I had mental issues from a young age. At age nine I began dieting (which continued until I was 24). What typical nine-year-old needs to be on a diet? A diet doesn't necessarily indicate a mental illness possibility but sometimes it does. For me it did. My mother said I was "an odd child."

As a teenager, I thought frequently of suicide from fourteen years on. If I had not been afraid of pain I would have killed myself. I dealt with depression and extreme highs throughout high school and college. Since everyone gets sad and everyone gets excited, I thought this was just the way life was.

It was so painful.

At age 19 I met Jesus and accepted Him into my life. I thought all the mental torment, the despair, the social anxiety; the crazy out-of-control behavior would be wiped away.

It wasn't.

Just a few months after becoming a follower of Jesus, I wanted to end my life because the mental anguish was relentless (even though I attended church faithfully; was part of the worship team; and studied the Bible daily). I knew Jesus didn't want me to end my life and I couldn't do that to Him.

I made rash decisions during this time of life. One decision led me to have a nervous breakdown. Another led me into the Army (for which I was ill suited).

I married my husband in May 1994. In December of that year, I was pregnant with our first child. I was having trouble adjusting to marriage and I know I would have walked away if I hadn't been expecting.

"Why was life so painful?" I often wondered. During my son's first year of life I rarely ate and drank anything other than Butterfinger candy bars and diet pop. My husband was out of the country for the next several months and I had no friends. Now that I had a child I had to hold onto life. I couldn't abandon him.

I know that I know that I know motherhood has kept me alive all these years. There's a verse in the Bible I don't particularly like because it makes no sense to me in a general way. But it's a testament to my life. Paul writes in First Timothy 2:15a that, "women shall be preserved through the bearing of children."

When my youngest biological child was born in 1999, I finally asked a doctor for an anti-depressant. And it helped. It got me through for 16 years-sometimes just barely though. I still dealt with tormenting thoughts and rash behavior (that continues to have negative financial effects upon my family).

During this time, family members told me they wished I didn't take anti-depressants. Weren't they for weak people? For several months at a time I'd quit taking my medication. I'd listen to the comments and think, "My faith just had to be stronger."

Two years ago, I contacted a mental health clinic and made an appointment. A week later I canceled it. I didn't know if my insurance would cover it, and did I really need to see a psychiatric professional? I decided no, I didn't.

My husband and I have adopted three children since our son was born in 1999. Adoption is difficult, especially with older children. My two youngest often tax me emotionally. They have challenges that are stretching my parental skills (for the better, but boy it's hard at times). Couple this with a person who has a mental illness that isn't properly treated can bring disastrous results.

I began to dislike who I was becoming. I've never been an angry person but I found myself getting angrier and angrier. I had to do something. I was miserable and making my family miserable.

I researched our insurance benefits. It would cover mental health appointments so I made an appointment. The doctor diagnosed me with Bi-polar Disorder and prescribed a mood stabilizing medication. The change has been amazing.

I can just be me and function as God wants me to function. I can now be a parent, a wife and pastor's wife without having to deal with mental torment, deep depression or out-of-control behavior. Why didn't I do this years ago? I should have.

Instead, I spent years condemning myself. I'd rant at God. I'd question Him. I'd ask Him why He created me with the brain that I had. I hated it. I really hated it.

A turning point for me was when I read a book written by Kay Redfield Jamison called Touched with Fire: Manic-Depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament.

George Gordon, known to the public as Lord Byron, was a prolific writer of poetry and prose. A fellow poet said of him, "His very defects were among the elements of his greatness" and it was "out of the struggle between the good and evil principles of his nature that his mighty genius drew its strength" (quoted in Jamison's book).

As I read this book, I began to accept my brain as it was. God created my brain and said it was good. The same goes for everyone, including those with mental illnesses.

So, I write to you to plead with you to get mental health help if you need it. Sometimes some mental health patients who have conditions like acute or post-partum depression can be treated for less than a year and be healed. Others, like chronic depression, bi-polar disorder and schizophrenia need to be treated for life. You need to get to a place where you control your mental illness rather than it controlling you.

We need to be self-advocates. We need to take responsibility for our own mental health and get what we need. It does no good to feel sorry for ourselves or to blame others. Take control. Some mental illnesses will require a much higher level of care than others. Do not be ashamed. Do not be silent because you're afraid of what others may think.

Getting help doesn't mean you don't have faith. Taking medication isn't a sign of a lack of faith. It is a sign of strength and wisdom.

The Apostle Paul also had an affliction he called, "a thorn in the flesh" (Second Corinthians 12:7). Could it have been depression or bi-polar disorder? Possibly. It doesn't really matter. What does matter is that God refused to take it away. He told Paul that "My grace is sufficient for" Paul (Second Corinthians 12:9). And it is sufficient for you and you.

Over 60 percent of people surveyed (stated in the same LifeWay research report mentioned previously) want pastors and elders to speak about mental illness from the pulpit. People want to discuss it. People have questions. Those with mental illness feel alone (when they really aren't).

Those who are dealing with family members with mental illness feel alone (they aren't either). People are afraid of being rejected.

Right now, we can begin talking about it. Someone needs to start the discussion in our individual churches and communities.

Why not us?