Have you ever complained? My daughter worked as a server, so she knows a little about complaints.
Here are a few grievances aired in eateries. I think it's important to tell you that I am not making any of these up.
• "I'm sending the fish back. It was staring at me."
• "The plate color clashes with my food. It's too ugly to Instagram."
• "This cup is right-handed. I'm left handed."
• "The ice was too cold. It should have been left out for a few minutes."
• "I'm sending the chicken back. I ordered it medium rare." Isn't that a bit like requesting a side order of salmonella?
I think my favorite customer complaint was tweeted to Dominos: "I ordered a pizza and it came with no toppings on it or anything, it's just bread."
Dominos responded that they were sorry, and they would do something about it right away. The customer replied: "Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down."
Last week, my wife, Ramona, and I took our friends Gord and Liz to a fine restaurant to celebrate Liz's graduation from nursing school. I ordered some chicken baked in mushrooms and hemmed in by veggies. The server brought it and waited as we prayed and thanked God for our many blessings.
When she returned to ask how the food was, we told her: "Fantastic." And then . . . I took the next bite.
Did you ever pop something into your mouth and suddenly realize it was not what you expected?
"Big hairy deal," you say. But the menu had not listed, "Lime chicken smothered with mushrooms, and stuffed with an 18-inch hair!"
Trust me, it is most difficult to remove a hair of this span with dignity and grace. My friends' eyes were big as dinner plates. My wife was horrified. This could have been a very hairy situation were it not for the fact that Ramona started laughing.
The server came to check on us. I said, "Don't tell anyone just yet, but there's a hair in my chicken."
She gasped. "It's not one of mine, is it?"
"No. It's far longer than yours," I said, pointing to where it was peeking out from under a napkin.
She gasped some more. I said, "It's not one of mine."
She laughed. Then gasped again. She couldn't stop apologizing. I told her we were okay. We visit third world countries where you don't want to know what's in the chicken.
"The rest of the food is very good," I said. She was so relieved. "Would you like dessert?" she asked. My friend Gord loves puns. He said we'd mullet over.
You know, there's a time to point out what's wrong, but I believe we Christians should treat those who serve us well, remembering that we are called to serve too, and to model Christ. When tempted to complain, I think of the California family whose home was burnt to the ground in a horrible fire. Sticking from the ashes was a hand-made sign: "Finally. No termites."
Over an ice cream dessert at a different restaurant, we couldn't stop laughing about what we can give thanks for when encountering a hair in one's chicken.
Ramona said, "The hair had been cooked."
Liz said, "You had a nurse nearby in case you choked."
I was thankful I wasn't charged extra for the hair, and I got a free meal.
Gord said, "That the restaurant had hair conditioning."
I groaned. "Enough with the puns," I said.
"Rest a-sheared," replied Gord, "I have more hair puns, but I'll shave them for later."
Phil Callaway is the best-selling author of two dozen books and host of Laugh Again Radio.
