Do you ever regret choices you've made? Do you wonder if God exists, and, if so, why you are in such a mess? Has a self-proclaimed Christian ever seriously wounded you or led you astray?
I don't know a single person who has experienced a perfect life without heartaches of one sort or another-painful physical or environmental circumstances, hurtful actions from other people or regrets over their own choices-but my life crashed in 1990 when I discovered my husband and I had spent over 20 years with an unhealthy, abusive spiritual leader.
My faith turned to rubble. I sifted through broken dreams and shattered trust, trying to find something solid on which to stand. I struggled to find my footing, but I kept slipping on fear, anger, confusion and shame.
We had immigrated to Alberta in 1989, so a year later, when we discovered terrible facts about our religious leader, we didn't have family or friends nearby. We felt lost. I lay on the floor of our cabin and cried out to God. I told Him that I did not know how to get up and serve Him. I felt like I had a spiritual flu. I had spent years studying God's Word, trying to be a good Christian, only to find myself too heartsick to get up and walk with Him.
God is gracious; He said, "Look at who I am."
Those words brought hope. I had focused on my circumstances, my failures, fears and rage. God asked me to look at Him. I remembered Romans 1:20, "For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities-His eternal power and divine nature-have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse."
To see God, I looked at His creation.
In the silence of the North, I rested with God's Word and some science books. The northern lights dazzled the night skies. I found peace while walking in the bush. A little squirrel, we named Feisty, entertained me with his antics. I enjoyed hundreds of birds. I looked at the world as if I had never seen its magnificence before.
I also remembered another answer the Lord had given me years before. I had prepared a Sunday school lesson on God's creation. My materials covered everything from galaxies to snowflakes. As I packed my materials, I off-handedly asked the Lord if He had anything to add. I really didn't think He would have much to add as I had it all covered, but He answered by saying, "All things were made by Him and without Him was not anything made that was made." Then a picture of Him, bleeding and bruised on His way to the cross, came vividly to my mind. I went to the floor and worshipped Him.
I knew God created the heavens and the earth, and I knew that Jesus was a part of the Trinity, with the Father and the Holy Spirit, but I did not make the intimate connection that the same God who created everything was the same person who allowed Himself to be mocked and scourged and sent to the cross-and all for love.
I had a lot to think about!
I worked on my book, Walking with the Creator Along the Narrow Road, for 20 years. It took me that long to understand the wonder of creation and its link to Christ. Many times I finished a chapter only to experience a nagging feeling that I had missed something. I prayed, cried and rewrote it-over and over. I could recite scientific facts and attribute them to Jesus but it still lacked something. I decided to organize the material into the days of creation; then I saw it. I want to take the opportunity to share what I saw in my next Indian Life article.
Meanwhile, are you looking to the Creator? As we enter the new year, look for Jesus. Look for Him in the creation around you-even in the winter frost-and look for His working in the people around you. As you look for Him, the distresses of the world, as I found, are sure to diminish, and you, too, will have a lot to think about.
Sue Carlisle grew up on the Wind River Reservation in Wyoming. An enrolled member of the Ponca Tribe of Nebraska, her passion is to encourage people to look at creation and see our awesome Creator. Sue is author of Walking with the Creator Along the Narrow Road (2013 Indian Life Books) and a columnist for Indian Life. She and her husband, Wes, now live in Thunder Bay, Ont.
