The Abuser’s Weapon and the Victim’s Antidote
Since last fall, North America has been shocked by revelations of sexual sins of Hollywood bosses, comedians, and politicians. Recently, almost every day, women and a few men have come forward to accuse the rich, famous and powerful of their carnal wrongdoings.
In responding to the accusations against her friend and co-host, Charlie Rose, Gayle King requested that men come forward in the fight against sexual harassment and sexual abuse, especially against girls and women. Well, I want to be one of those men who will come forward and speak out on behalf of all victims of abuse, girls and women, boys and men.
I was a victim of childhood abuse when I was ten years old. I am no one important, certainly not a celebrity or politician. But I want to speak out against the abuse of women and also against the boys and men who were abused and who are being abused and mistreated.
North America’s Indigenous communities certainly know that these are not the first instances of abuse. For many, abuse and domestic violence has been going on in our reservations and reserves for decades.
What happened to me was repeated several times over a couple of months, when I was ten. It affected me negatively from then all the way up to adulthood. The tragedy of it is that I kept quiet as many victims have, under threat of job loss or reputation. In my case, my abuser told me if anyone heard about it, I would be in a lot of trouble. I believed him, so because of my silence no one knew what happened to me until I got the courage to tell a friend and eventually my family 34 years later.
The only thing that should shock us about recent accusations against the rich and powerful, is the power these individuals have had over their prey and how long it’s taken before their victims gathered the strength and courage to come forward. Apart from an appetite for sex, the power these individuals expressed in keeping their wrong doings secret is what enabled them to continue to get away with it. Until now.
Fear is the most powerful weapon an abuser can use in controlling his victim whether by telling them that unless they do what the abuser wants, they will never work again, or “it will be very bad for you and your family” or “I’ll kill you.” This fear, whether real or imagined, paralyzes victims and keeps them from telling parents, a friend or going to the police. This is especially true in the case of children and youth molestation.
Ask any victim of abuse and most likely he or she will say that intimidation and threats of harm were the weapons used in every situation. And that a sense of false guilt and shame keeps one from reporting the violence perpetrated against them. That certainly was true for me.
No one should be forced to do anything that he or she is uncomfortable doing, especially teens and young children. And in the case of kids, they should never feel like they are the ones at fault nor should they feel like they are to blame for what happened to them.
Our dominant society blasts a constant message that if our friends and peers are doing it, we should as well. These are the lies and the temptations we must avoid. Today’s children and even teenagers are neither physically nor mentally ready to have sexual relationships, and when it’s forced on them, it only makes it worse.
If an older man or teenager takes advantage of a boy or girl, or an adult man takes advantage of a woman without her consent, it is a greater sin and victims should be heard, and if credible, they should be believed.
Just as instilling fear into the minds and hearts of his victims, so forgiveness is the antidote that the victim needs in order to overcome the lies of abusers and stopping this vicious cycle of abuse.
While it was 34 years before I revealed to anyone the abuse I had suffered as a young child, Creator God—the one who made me and loves me—opened the door for me to track down my abuser and seek his apology. Though he reluctantly told me he was sorry, I was able to forgive him for the pain and suffering he put me through and the mental torment I endured growing up.
If you have been abused by someone either sexually, physically, verbally or emotionally, everything that’s been done against you has been settled once and for all. Creator’s Son Jesus died on the tree and His cleansing blood is just as powerful in overcoming sins against you as cleansing you from your sin. He died for all sin, mine and yours. I accepted this by faith and depend on that as being absolutely true.
Apply this to your own life. Know that Jesus has already worked in all those sins to cast them away from you . . . thus all the present results in your life are null and void. Jesus has delivered me! He can and will forgive you too.
