When a person commits suicide, every person in the immediate and extended family is touched to some extent. This was a good family, not without problems, but overall a good family with a mom, dad and two children-a boy and then a girl. Life was usual.
Then the call came of his death. The dad had taken his life. The emotions that ran through us were close to indescribable, as we had never felt such pain. Nothing could possibly prepare the family for this unfathomable nightmare and tragedy. Not a day passes that we do not think about him. There seemed no way to prepare us for something like this.
He had lost hope and lost purpose. He had had experienced job loss and seemed at times to be feeling lost and depressed. We don't know the demons he faced.
We all felt guilt for his actions. Actually, guilt came before grief. His death made us feel a lot more aware of the fragility of life. We were left with questions that only God can answer. He is the Creator of life.
The aftermath is a whirlwind of emotions. Unless you have lost someone to suicide you have no idea what the survivors are going through. The survivors-the loved ones left behind-are suffering in the wake of the loss and the concept of beginning a new chapter of their lives is like they are navigating blindly.
We were left with a surprising degree of hurt and abandonment, betrayal and confusion. Some people who have suffered the suicide of someone they love are at risk themselves according to medical experts. Let your tears water your soul.
We had had years of Bible study and a walk with Christ, so we wondered how we should move forward from this horrible tragedy. Worship songs seemed to help. Here we could find our spirit and mind was quieted by lyrics of peace, hope, and comfort floating around in our thoughts. This music can sustain us without being aware of it. Some of the songs that blessed us were Casting Crowns' "Set Me Free," Free's "Everything Falls" and "The Hurt and the Healer" by Mercy Me.
Bad things happen. How we respond to these things defines our character, makes us more closely reveal the character of Christ, and brings out the quality of life we live. We can choose to sit in sadness, immobilized by the gravity of our loss or we can choose to rise from our pain and turn to God the healer of our hearts, our hope and our salvation and treasure the most precious gift we have: God, family and our lives.
God has given us faith to see the good that still exists and to know that the love from Christ shines through to our faith in God, carrying us through dark times. Our relationship with Jesus sustains us now and it can sustain in the future. Our strength comes from the Lord our sustainer and our healer.
