Thank You, Father

It's so heavy. The loneliness one experiences in Ad Seg (the hole) presses its weight upon every person in here, causing a roller coaster of emotions. But God is faithful to those who put their trust in Him.

One night, after the day dragged longer than normal, I asked my Father to remind me of all the ways He had shown His presence to me. I took out my pen and paper and began to list everything that came to mind.

The list was long, which proved that I had absolutely no reason to feel lonely. Here are a handful of ways God reminded me He was with me:

• When one first gets to the hole, he has nothing, and must suffer for weeks before figuring out how to get the basics. I found myself in that exact situation. I had no toothbrush or toothpaste. On two different occasions a specific officer went out of his way to provide me with a toothbrush and toothpowder. It was only by God's presence that this would happen.

• I needed the basic hygiene products and I knew I had some packed away in the little property I had left. Through the guidance of an all-knowing God I was able to request and receive toothpaste, shampoo, body wash, deodorant, bar soaps, and a few other items. The Creator had orchestrated the perfect timing, with the right officer, to make this possible.

• An officer who hasn't worked in The Hole for many years happened to be working down the hall. He went out of his way to give me encouraging words. I had known this officer for at least five years, and he had never before encouraged me. But when he heard of my presence here, and the injustice done, he decided that this may be his last chance to let me know how much he appreciated my conduct while he knew me in the facility. Father-my loving Father -sent me this unexpected source of encouragement.

• When it comes to clothing and linen, the hole only provides five pieces, arranged in a roll. At laundry exchange one must throw out five to get five. The process becomes easier if one is given an extra five pieces. During my very first laundry exchange, the officer looked at me, thought for a moment, then handed me two rolls of laundry. I turned in five and received ten! Because of that extra roll I've been able to pick the best five pieces, personally wash them, and keep them without having to turn them in. I'll never know what the officer was thinking in that moment; but whatever it was I know my heavenly Father was pulling his heart strings.

• I love to read, and I was hoping to get a book or two from an officer. None of them were willing to help. But when I had a quick opportunity I asked an officer what she would suggest I do to request a book. She told me to write the prison law library, but she wasn't serious. She knew that would not work because the library doesn't provide that service to those in The Hole. Having no other options, I decided to write the library anyway. Three days later, the same officer came to my cell in awe, as she handed me two books. The impossible is possible when God is in control.

• Because I've been washing clothing on my own, the one bar of soap we receive weekly was disappearing quickly. Midway through the week I found myself using the last sliver of soap to wash my sheet. With my back to the door, and so quickly I didn't see who was there, three brand new soap bars dropped from the door's food-tray slot. Like manna from heaven soap came raining down. Only by the hand of a loving God could this have happened.

• We receive a single roll of the worst-quality toilet paper a week. That should be enough; however, our toilet paper also serves as our napkins. Our spill picker-uppers. Our tissue. And, of course, our toilet paper. So it is precious and must be used sparingly. One Monday, a day after we were issued our toilet paper, I fumbled it and it landed inside the toilet. It was instantly saturated. My heart sank as I saw it go to waste. I knew asking for a new roll would be futile, but I had no other choice. I asked the first officer I saw for a new roll, showing him the dripping, useless roll in my cell. He frowned, but promised he would. The day went by, and as I began to think he forgot, at the last half-hour of his shift he dropped a roll into my cell. Only because of the favor of a merciful God would

this happen.

The list can go on and on. But one thing is for sure; no matter how many times the claws of loneliness try to take me down, I can always look at my list and remember that I am far from alone. God is faithful, from the smallest things to the biggest things. Our Creator is more involved in our lives than we realize. We just need to take a moment to reflect on His faithfulness. When we do, we will be surprised by how often He has been interacting with us, sometimes without our noticing.

The heavy weight of loneliness is real and can cause you to lose your joy in the Lord. But be encouraged, my friends. Open your eyes and see that Father is with you. Once you realize it, it's hard to feel lonely again.

Adrian Torres is incarcerated at California Institution for Men. Enjoy more of his writing at https:thewallstalkstories.wordpress.com