I Will Not Lose My Hope
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
-Romans 15:13 NIV
Each of us is on a journey. It starts with the birth of a newborn baby and ends when that life is finished according to the will of God who gives us life.
Along this journey, we all face different situations and yet we all face many of the same things. For instance, almost all of us have families, though our families may look different. We are all given earthly bodies. God formed each one of us. Each person is special to Him. Psalm 139:14 says, "I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made, marvelous are Your works." Read Psalm 139:13 to 16. God knows us-our body, our soul, our breath.
Being of this world, our bodies are of this world. There are times we take our health for granted. But a healthy body is a gift and when we don't have a healthy body, it is hard to see the good in that situation.
I would like to share part of my life. I did not always believe in God. As a child, I was brought up in the residential school system. The God of that school was a faraway, harsh, scary God. It was not until I was 20 years old that I found the loving God, who had sent His Son, Jesus Christ to save the world-to save me! I accepted Him into my life and He has been a helper and my strength all these years. He has blessed me with a wonderful husband of 26 years and three great children and one grandson.
Along with the blessings of life, also came some burdens of life. One of the areas of my life that I have had to really trust God in is health (or the lack of health). Many babies are born with perfectly working parts. Those individuals may not experience any sickness until later on in life. For some, suffering starts at birth.
In my case, I was born with a physical disability. I was born with congenital dislocation of both hips. At the time I was born, infants were not automatically tested for normal hips right at birth. Now, it's automatic to be checked at birth. The problem can be corrected with heavy diapering and/or surgery before the baby's bones are set.
It did not stop me from being able to walk or run when I was young. But I was just a child when I had my first operations to correct this condition. I used to walk and run like a fan going back and forth or side to side like windshield wipers. Now, no one wants to move like windshield wipers. People can be very cruel. If you don't walk and talk like a normal human being (whatever that is) people make fun. For a child, this can be devastating.
Yet, in spite of those who teased, I still did what I enjoyed doing: playing baseball and skipping. Since I was an older child with my bones already set, the first operations helped only for a while. I have had numerous operations since then. In 1988, I finally had both hips replaced. My children used to call me the bionic woman. Sadly, the hips did not last too long, and I had to have both hips revised again.
Having a disability takes a toll on a person. I struggled with being able to work outside the home until I could not do that anymore. My bones were shifted to different positions after each surgery, and that affected other areas of my body. I have back problems and have had to wear a knee brace for many years, walking with a cane to hold me up. At home, I use a walker or crutches, depending on how much I can move that day.
If someone offers to help, I need to accept it. At first, I had trouble with this. I wanted to do everything myself. I felt like my life was being taken away and I wanted to hold on for as long as I could. I wanted to do things for my family. Now I let them do more. There are days when Mom (that's me) needs help even with putting on her socks. I am so thankful for my children. They are willing to help their mom. Family and friends and outside-home health care are also appreciated.
As my body deteriorates, my mind seems to work more. In my mind, I can do anything and everything! Then I go to do something and my body does not cooperate. I have good days and bad days. It can be very frustrating. Yet, no matter what we go through, we are never alone when we have the Lord in our lives. One day (not just one day!) when I had a hard time, I really sensed God's peace. Psalm 119:107, 108 says, "I am afflicted very much, Revive me, O Lord, according to Your word. Accept I pray, the freewill offerings of my mouth, O Lord, and teach me Your judgments."
That day, I felt that I did not have the strength to go on. God reminded me that He was there. It seemed that even though my body ached and groaned, at that moment, there was nothing wrong with my mouth. I could groan and moan but I could also thank Him. I thank Him for so many other things. Hebrews 13:15 says "Therefore by Him let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to His name."
It seems that chronic illness takes away many freedoms one by one. Yet God provides other blessings. We can still go to Him when it seems hard to go on-for He understands us. He understands our bodies, our minds and our souls for He is the maker of them.
To be able to live with chronic pain, you need to be able to let go. One of the hardest things to do is to accept that this is going to be a part of your life. This can cause a person to be depressed. I have felt depressed many times. It is so hard not to be able to do things with my children. Sometimes my energy level is only enough for my needs, nothing for anyone else. There are times when I cry for what I lost. God knows we need these times of release. But we need to get through these times. We can focus on other things that we can do.
All of us live with our own struggles. There are disabilities that can be seen and there are many that are not visible. Sometimes others do not understand our pain. I walk with a cane and there have been times I've been almost knocked over or shoved aside. Sometimes our pain is not noticeable. There are days I can walk and people don't know that it is taking so much just to be able to do that. But we cannot focus on other people's attitudes.
Make the best that you can out of today. Today is a gift! Open it and enjoy it. I know that one day I will receive a new body and even though I long for one today, I will not lose my hope. I encourage you to look to the God of heaven and earth who can give you that same hope.
From The Conquering Indian, Vol. 2, personal stories of North America's First People who conquered obstacles and found hope, healing and honor. To order, see https://www.indianlife.org/store.
