FamilyLife Canada

Learn about this ministry through our interview with Dan DeGaris-Director of Development,

Indigenous Ministry

What are the top two challenges marriages face today across the board?

Couples face so many challenges these days and Covid-19 has certainly added to them. However couples will always have to deal with two common issues. One is our differences. As couples we have different interests, life experiences, personalities, desires and expectations and they all can impact our relationships. Secondly there is the issue of drift. As time goes by it is easy for a couple to simply drift apart, often without even realizing it. It takes work to stay together.

How are challenges the same or different for Indigenous couples?

Although many of the challenges couples face is the same, Indigenous couples often face unique challenges. Colonization and residential schools have impacted marriage and family life and if we do not understand the past, the impact on the present can be difficult to understand.

I remember one man telling me, "I married, had children and now my children have children. I am a grandfather and I am now just learning how to love."

Another man told me, "I don't know how to be a father; I've never seen it done."

The challenges are even greater if abuse took place. In her book "Legacy" Suzanne Mehot says, "According to the AHF (Aboriginal Healing Foundation) as a result of the physical, sexual, and psychological abuse suffered by those who attended residential schools, the capacity of Indigenous people to build and sustain healthy families and communities has been compromised...."

If a couple lives in a remote community they may face unique challenges that others do not face. For example, crowded homes can create unique challenges. In some northern communities there are a higher number of special needs children many of whom are undiagnosed. Little is available in the way of support for the family. As much as they may love their children the ongoing challenges parents face can place a lot of stress on their relationship.

Tell us about the First Nations Couples' Retreat that you held recently. What were some of the topics covered and who were some of the speakers?

Due to Covid-19 restrictions our last in-person retreat was February 12–14, 2020. Couples traveled the winter roads from remote northern communities to Thunder Bay and spent the weekend in a hotel. Our First Nation Together for Good Workshop was led by First Nation couples who, through their storytelling, touched on differences, drift, conflict, communication, making love and also dealt with the 3 A's (Abuse, Addiction, Adultery) and spiritual oneness. The weekend speakers were: Ivan and Fay Wapenisk from Weagamow, and Robert and Wanda Sugarhead and Jimmy and Ruth Waboose from Eabametoong. The sessions were recorded and are now available for couples, sharing groups and communities.

On February 12–15, 2021 the sessions were streamed online for free.

What led FamilyLife to create a resource like this for Indigenous families?

In our desire to offer help and hope to strengthen marriages and families across the country, we recognized the unique challenges that First Nation couples and families face. We believe there is a need for Indigenous marriage and family resources taught by Indigenous couples who through the sharing of their stories can help and encourage others.

Tell us about the First Nations ministry of FamilyLife. How did this Indigenous ministry begin and what is your goal?

The ministry has gradually evolved over the last few years. Before then, three Cree couples had been leading Cree Weekend Retreats for couples in Quebec and mentoring couples on canoe trips. They saw the impact the ministry was having and were praying it would expand across the country. In answer to their prayer an awareness of the need began to grow. We spent time listening to the stories and needs from remote communities. Then there were the stories in the news. I remember one in particular coming from the Blood Tribe Reserve, which told of 14 overdoses and one death during a weekend. The First responder was reported has having said, "Our family is broken." God used that comment to help launch the ministry.

Our goal is to:

• Strengthen Indigenous marriages and families by offering help and hope through teaching and storytelling

• Identify, encourage and empower Indigenous followers of Christ who will serve as leaders, speakers and HomeBuilders (people who do what they can where they are to help others)

• Create and develop Indigenous marriage and family materials and events.

• Support and partner with existing Indigenous ministries

What are two key pieces of advice you'd give Indigenous couples?

1. Invest in your relationship.

As couples we want to be together for good, and yet only one out of every five couples takes time to invest in their relationship in order to make it happen. Doing things to intentionally strengthen your relationship is always a good thing.

The strengthening of relationships doesn't just make a couple happier; it makes them and their family healthier and their communities stronger. Research has shown that happily married people live longer, have less illness and have more and better sex. They also produce children who do better in school, get in less trouble with the law, display much less high-risk behaviour and are more likely to build lasting marriages themselves.

Investing in your relationship is an investment in future generations as well as in the health of your community. Stronger families make stronger communities.

2. Offer help and hope to others by sharing what you learn.

The offering of help and hope to strengthen the marriages and families of 1.7 million Indigenous people seems like an impossible task, but it really isn't.

There are two reasons why I can say that. One is God. Nothing is impossible for Him. The second is you, the Indigenous people.

In the years ahead there will be a rising up of Indigenous couples from remote communities and cities alike who, in God's strength and power will tell their stories and in so doing bring help and hope to others. In your journey as a couple, you will learn things that can help others. One First Nation couple we know was planning on ending their marriage. They attended a FamilyLife weekend getaway and six months later they were encouraging others by telling their story at a First Nation Retreat. What God has done in their lives is impacting others.

We understand the First Nations Couple's Retreat is available online . . . can you tell us about that?

First Nation Together for Good is a six-part workshop that was recorded during our Thunder Bay retreat. There are several things people like about it;

1. The First Nation speaker couples and their "genuine openness and transparency" as they tell their own stories

2. The workbooks

3. The opportunities couples are given to stop the video and talk using the discussion questions. Those opportunities to talk really help strengthen relationships

The workshop can be rented, downloaded or purchased on a USB stick. Books can also be purchased or downloaded. The workshop can be used by a couple in their own home, in a sharing circle with others, by church groups, on retreats, canoe trips or as a community workshop. Once it is possible to travel again, we hope to be able to do live events as well. For more information you can go to the website;

Website https://www.familylifecanada.com/tfg-first-nations/

Or for information and assistance you can contact me at dan@familylifecanada.com