Relationship Reflections

My wife Sheila and I were a mismatched couple when we first started going out together. She was shy, quiet and hardly spoke, while I was just the opposite. She did not drink or smoke, and she didn't like anyone to get drunk. She didn't want to see me if I was drinking so I quit, which surprised my friends. Her lifestyle was opposite to the kind of life I lived. She was like a lamb in her sweet innocence-and I was the big bad wolf. She was brought up in the church and was committed to her religious beliefs. My religious views were nothing compared to hers.

We fell in love and, after dating for about three years, Sheila and I got married on June 4, 1971. So we are celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary. She turned eighteen and I was nineteen years old on our wedding day. I always tell people that one of the best things that ever happened to me was to get married early. Proverbs 18:22 says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." (English Standard Version)

After Sheila and I were married for one year, we made plans for me to go back to school and learn a trade. We moved to Ottawa so I could do educational upgrading before going to Algonquin College for their chef-training program. This turned out to be the best decision we ever made.

When we lived in the city, I started drinking again. My wife told me later that a number of times she had made up her mind to leave me because of it. I didn't realize it then, but alcohol was a problem for me during the first three years in our marriage.

My older brother, Allan, and his wife, Lorraine, would come to Ottawa and stay with us for a few days. Once when they were visiting, Allan suggested that we go to church on Sunday. It sounded like a good idea, so we got ready to go. Allan looked for a gospel-preaching church in the telephone directory. Since it was getting late, we went to the nearest church, the Metropolitan Bible Church, where Sheila and I would later surrender our lives to Jesus Christ.

One Sunday evening at church, I had a bad hangover and was not feeling well. During the service I was thinking about what would happen to me if I died. I don't remember what the sermon was about, but at the end of his message the pastor gave an invitation for people to receive Christ. I surprised Sheila when I said, "Let's go up and receive Christ."

From that day, my whole life changed. I went home from that service feeling clean because my sins were forgiven. Even my hangover was gone. The Lord did a miracle in my life when I got saved. When I became a Christian, I quit drinking. I believe in the power of the gospel to transform a person's life if he or she is totally committed to Christ: "Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun" (2 Corinthians 5:17, NLT). In Christ a person can be delivered from alcohol and drug addiction. My life was changed when I became a born again Christian and that's what saved my marriage.

I made some mistakes during the early years of my marriage. I was in my early twenties and was a bit wet behind the ears. I was young and foolish in many ways and this affected my marriage negatively. Sheila deserves a lot of credit for being patient with me in the early years of our marriage. Only within the last thirty years that I have seriously worked on building my marriage and how to develop a happy and better relationship with my wife. In my counselling, I have read a number of Christian books on creating a successful Christian marriage. The books I read helped me to understand that love is the key to a lasting relationship. I can honestly say that our marriage has been successful, especially the past 47 years.

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands, ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. (Ephesians 5: 25-28, NLT)

The Bible makes it very clear for husbands to love their wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. To show the love of Christ in his life the husband must be willing to make a daily sacrifice to serve and to lay aside his interests in order to love his wife.

One of the sacred wedding vows, that couples make when they get married is to love each other until death do us part. The flame of love should never burn out in your marriage. I can honestly say that I love my wife even more today than when we first met. Through the years I have followed biblical principles to build my marriage. There are many ways that I show my love to my wife. These are a few that I have selected:

1. Affection: I show my love and genuine affection to my wife by telling her, "I love you." I tell her that everyday. To show my love and affection for my wife I will give her a love hug when we are at home. I call it a prayer hug and pray for her at the same time. She is my prayer partner and we pray spontaneously at home. Husbands and wives need to show physical affection to each other. One of the ways is to pray together.

2. Communication: It is very important for husbands and wives to communicate with each other. Communication is an art and it works two ways. Communication works best when husbands and wives talk together and listen to each other. I had to learn and discipline myself over the years to listen attentively and let my wife talk. One of the greatest lessons I have learned in my marriage was when I started listening to my wife. Sometimes I will tell her, "Okay we will do it your way." My wife is my best friend and I confide in her when we talk. Women are equal to men when it comes to intelligence.

3. Spiritual leadership: In our home my role as a husband is to be the spiritual leader. At home I am the pastor to my wife and son. As the spiritual leader I do what I can to help my wife to effectively grow in the grace and knowledge of Christ. "He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault" (Ephesians 5:25–27, NLT). My role and responsibility as a husband is to make Christ the head of our home and to lead my wife to be lovely and beautiful in the Lord.

4. Actions: As the husband I take the responsibility for the physical provision for my wife and household. "But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." (1 Timothy 5:8 English Standard Version) As a husband it is also my duty to protect my wife and our household. We live in a physical world but we also live in a spiritual world that is unseen and we are involved in a spiritual warfare. We need to protect our wife physically, emotionally, emotionally, spiritually and socially.

5. Love her carefully: I am aware that my wife is a weaker vessel than me when compared to my own physical strength. I am considerate of her and when I know she is tired at the end of the day I will help her out. I do more than my share of cleaning up in our home. I will do the dishes, vacuum, throw away the garbage and clean the bathroom. When our son was small my wife was sometimes too tired at the end of the day to clean the pots and pans and the dishes. In the morning I would get up early to clean up the kitchen. She was so happy to see the kitchen all clean when she came down to make her cup of tea. I do grocery shopping and even do my laundry and our bed sheets. I do house work as part of exercise. I do it mostly out of consideration for her.

Paul says that husbands should "love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself" (Ephesians 5:28). Nourish and cherish your wife. Be warm and don't be harsh with your wife. "In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered" (1 Peter 3:7, NLT).