Question:
When I was four years old I was left by my parents and put in a foster home. My foster family cared for my physical needs but they never loved me. I felt like I didn't belong anywhere. I've been drinking since I was 17, trying to fit in with others, but it doesn't work for long. My drinking buddies are only friends when I've got money.
A few months ago someone at work started talking to me about God and inviting me to church. I would like to believe what he says but I can't. Why didn't anyone ever care about me? I'm 32 years old and I have no one. If God really cares, where has he been all these years?
Answers
You are asking the great question asked by people all over the world. Religious leaders, intellectuals and every day folks have wrestled with a question, "Why me God?"
I do not fully know the answer to your heart's cry. I do know some things from the Bible that can touch the pain I hear in your question. I hear your cry for love and acceptance that is not met by food, clothing and a place to stay. The abandonment of your birth parents has scarred you deeply. You want to be one of the gang, so you drink with the gang. Your friendship seems to disappear with your money.
The parents of your physical body may have rejected you, but you have a Father of your spirit who has given you life and wants you in His family (Hebrews 12:9). Jesus Christ has suffered rejection and knows how to help you when you are feeling as if nobody cares (Read Isaiah 53; Matthew 26:31, 47– 56; Hebrews 4:15, 16).
God, our Creator, has been with you and all your pain and is prepared to bring you healing and make you a channel of healing to others who have been hurt like you. I hope you can find a true Christian friend to share your pain with, someone who will listen to you and pray with you. You will not find a perfect person, but hopefully someone who will walk with you through the process of healing.-A.J.
Satan is to blame for the misery of mankind, not God. Satan ruined it for us all by his pride, deception and lies that caused the first man and woman to sin. From that day on, Satan has worked relentlessly to carry out his plan.
In John 10:10, Jesus says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they might have life, and have it to the full."
What a contrast between Satan's plan for your life and God's love and plan for you! Satan has stolen you from your family as a child. He's trying to kill your body through drinking and is continuing to destroy your life by pointing his finger at God and telling you to blame Him and others for your life. As long as bitterness lives in you and makes excuses for the way you are living, you will continue to be lost and miserable.
• Recognize the source of sin-Satan. Point your finger at him. Be angry at him.
• Thank God that He has come to give you a new life for the asking.
• Ask God to forgive your sins of bitterness toward him.
• Tell him you need his guidance for the rest of your life – that you were tired of believing the lie that nobody cares.
• Jesus can take what Satan meant to destroy-our spirit body and mind-and give you a new Hope, not only for eternal life, but also for today.-L. S.
One of the greatest needs of every human heart is the need to belong. God has created us for relationship, so it is abnormal for us to be out of healthy relationship. Let me encourage you that the longing for a relationship that you have is a legitimate longing of your heart. I would like to emphasize that you are not totally responsible for the lack of relationship that you feel.
The greatest pain of the heart is a broken relationship, and abandonment is broken relationship. You are not responsible for this broken relationship because it was your parents' who abandoned you. Children who have been abandoned tend to take responsibility for the feelings of abandonment as if they were to blame for the emptiness they feel. This leads to self-contempt or self-hate.
Drinking your pain away is not the solution for healing. It only numbs the pain for a little while but the pain remains, and, in fact, it gets worse. Healing happens from the inside out so you are going to have to deal with your pain and your longing for a relationship in a different way.
If you are ever going to feel like you belong to someone and experience what it really means to be loved, you are going to have to take a few risky steps.
First, you must realize that people normally close themselves off from pain by pushing people away to protect themselves from further pain. You are going to have to open your heart to people, even if it means that you might experience more pain. You cannot be loved and cannot love if your heart is closed to people and God. Therefore, you must take the risk to open your heart to others.
Secondly, you are going to have to stop running from your own pain and start taking ownership of your pain. Embrace it rather than deny it, hoping it will go away on its own. You are going to have to acknowledge that your pain was partially caused by being abandoned, but the ongoing pain is there because of the way you handle your pain. Handling your pain without God's help only increases the pain. You need God's help in order to experience true healing.
Turn to God for help by first trusting Him for forgiveness and then for strength to face the pain and fear in your heart. Then seek out a friend whom you can trust and take the risk to open your heart to him or her.
Getting counseling on a regular basis will also help you through the process of healing. Going to a Bible-teaching church will also increase your faith. You are the only one who can make the most important choices in your life. No one can make them for you. My encouragement and challenge to you is that you make the right choices in your life. God bless you and help you as you move toward healing and wholeness.-L. W.
Hundreds have been helped through Indian Life Ministry's book, The Council Speaks.
