Put it on

A kid of nine or ten came up to me and told me a joke: "I went to buy some camouflage clothing. But I couldn't find any."

It took me a second or two, but finally I laughed. Here's another joke you may want to tell to absolutely no one: "Last week I bought some camouflage clothing, but nobody seemed to notice."

All right, let's move on. Here are five of the most expensive clothes ever sold at auction.

• In 2008, Queen Victoria's Bloomers sold for $9,000. According to the LA Times, they had a 50-inch waist. I'm not making this up.

• A Princess Leia outfit from "Return of the Jedi' sold for $96,000.

• The dress Princess Diana wore in the White House was auctioned for $360,000.

• A gold trader from Texas shelled out $1.8 million for Michael Jackson's "Thriller" Jacket.

• And [drum roll] the most expensive article of clothing sold at auction to date is Marilyn Monroe's "Happy Birthday" dress for a mere $4.8 million. She wore it to then-president John F. Kennedy's birthday party. It was purchased by the appropriately named Manhattan-based collectible company Gotta Have It! The boss was asked why he paid that much. He said he would have paid twice that. "We stole it," he boasted.

Theresa Roemer of Houston, Texas, has made her fortune as an author, fashion designer, and chocolatier, with her own line of candles. She now has the largest wardrobe closet in the United States. The closet covers 3,000 square feet. It's three stories high with a spiral staircase rising up the middle. At a cost of over $1 million, the closet boasts a bar and enough space for her to have opulent parties with friends. It sounds like a closet with a house around it. In the closet, there's room for hundreds of dresses, purses, shoes, slacks, watches and accessories all inventoried on a series of XL spread sheets. "I'm the kind of person if I can't see it, I won't wear it," says Theresa.

At the start of each new day, I can hardly decide what to put on my toast, let alone my body. Imagine having that many clothing choices. Thankfully, her personal assistant offers wise daily advice on what to wear, even ensuring that Theresa's accessories match her clothing.

You know, the best-selling book of all time offers us wise daily advice on what to choose from a vast wardrobe of options. Here's how Eugene Peterson paraphrased Colossians 3:10–14 in The Message: "Now you're dressed in a new wardrobe. Every item of your new way of life is custom-made by the Creator, with his label on it. All the old fashions are now obsolete . . . So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you . . . And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it." 

The ultimate designer has created a brand that will never fade, decay or lose its value. It's made from 100 percent love. No need to send it out for alterations or dry cleaning. By faith, God gives us the grace to put on Christ's love each day. It's priceless.

Phil is host of Laugh Again Radio and the author of Laugh Like a Kid Again. Visit him at philcallaway.com