We all have hopes and dreams for our families and a vision for what we want our families to be like. We want our homes to be a place where everyone feels safe, loved and respected. We also want our homes to be a place where every family member can discover his or her purpose, gifts and abilities.
It's not easy to accomplish these goals though, is it? We face all kinds of challenges that can keep our families from being all that they can be.
Some challenges we face are challenges that all families face. Take "differences" and "drift" for example. It is easy for a couple's differences in personalities or family backgrounds to cause friction in the home or for family members to get so caught up in living their own lives that they gradually drift apart.
There are also unique challenges we may face due to painful past experiences. They can cast a dark shadow over family relationships and the way we interact with one another in the home. I remember a residential school survivor saying, "I don't know how to be a father, I've never seen it done." His painful past is an obstacle to being the father that he wants to be. If you are a single parent with the responsibility of raising children on your own you will also face your own unique challenges.
Everyday stresses, health issues and fears about the future can also be challenges. For example, over the past couple of years your family has been dealing with Covid. Covid has had a negative impact on many families. When a family is confined to their home for an extended period of time it can cause family tension. When a family member becomes sick and has to be separated from the rest of the family it can be very stressful. If, for whatever reason a loved one dies Covid makes it difficult for a family or community to gather together to grieve and find healing as a family.
Another challenge families face is simply due to a lack of intentionality. Building a stronger marriage and family takes work. Understanding what our partner and our children may be feeling takes time and effort. How much effort are we willing to put into it?
Where would you place yourself on the following scale when it comes to your effort in creating a home where everyone feels safe, loved and respected?
The challenges we face are real but that doesn't mean our hopes and dreams for our family can't come true. The challenges you face can be overcome. The vision you have for your family can become a reality, but it does take work. If you are a single parent you can begin by simply making a decision, "I want our family to be all that it can be and I am going to bravely fight for my family."
If you are married and you find yourself in the middle of a fight with your spouse, partner or your children, it sure is easy to feel like they are the ones who are keeping your vision for your family from becoming a reality, isn't it? But the truth is, your spouse is not your enemy. Your children are not your enemy. Their hopes and dreams for the family are often the same as yours. Everyone in your family wants the same thing: a home where everyone feels safe, loved and respected. When this is understood, you can begin to face your circumstances together. Together you can decide: "We want our family to be all that it can be and we are going to bravely fight for our family."
Whether you are single or married you can also look to God for help. He wants your family to be all that it can be and He wants to help you overcome the challenges you may be facing.
There is a verse in the Bible we often hear at weddings: "A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NLT)
If you fight for your family together with God's help you will be much stronger. "Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken."
With God our Creator's help, family members can work together to build stronger families for His sake, your sake, your children's sake and for the sake of your grandchildren. We can be models for future generations, showing them how to bravely face circumstances so they can do the same. In a series of upcoming articles, we will take a practical look at how we can fight for our families and how family members can work together to make our homes a place where everyone feels safe, loved and respected. We will also take a look at how our homes can be a place where every family member can discover his or her purpose, gifts and abilities.
I once met a wise elder from Prophet River First Nation who told us stories about the history of her people and the challenges her community is now facing. Many reserves and communities from sea to sea are facing the same challenges. She told me "if you want to see change in the community, start with the family." Your community, your family is worth fighting for."
As FamilyLife Canada's Director for Development, Indigenous Ministry, Dan Degaris and his wife, Joy, create and develop an indigenous family ministry that offers help and hope to strengthen Indigenous families and communities and help people come to know Jesus. Learn more about their ministry at p2c.com or https://www.familylifecanada.com/event/tfg-first-nations-couples-workshop/. The couple has two grown children and live in Airdrie, Alberta.
