There is an old saying: "It's better to wear moccasins than to try to carpet the world."
In other words, take care of yourself and your own life before you try to change the world.
When my friends are unhappy, I want to fly in like superman and "fix" things and make them happy.
Sadly, in my efforts to "help," I sometimes made things worse by interfering. I didn't realize this until a friend of mine decided I would be much better off living close to her. She contacted realtors, moving companies and even a home owner to "help" me move to a better place near her. She refused to listen to me when I said I didn't want to move, because she was sure she knew what was "best" for me, and we could help each other. She inconvenienced a dozen people and embarrassed me. In her own mind, she meant well, but she plowed through people's lives like a bulldozer. We are no longer friends.
My minister once told me that some people are so "heavenly minded" that they are no "earthly good."
Every day dozens of commercials on television ask us to make donations to charities, hospitals, and foreign missions, to save the animals, save the children, and save the elephants-all sorts of good causes, but we might not know our 80-year-old neighbor lives on cereal and is malnourished and lonely and could use a kind word and a bowl of soup.
The teenage boy down the street can't raise the money to go to college, so he'll end up delivering pizzas instead of being a teacher or doctor. A few dollars could change his future.
We don't have to carpet the world, we can't save everyone, but a small thing could change a life, save a life, save a family. Do small things with great love.
Many years ago, when my children were small, our church had a special Thanksgiving service to feed the poor. Everyone was to bring canned goods to church and leave them at the altar. Everyone was generous, not wanting people to be hungry at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Our family had been having a difficult time; my husband had been out of work and although he'd been promised a job, it wouldn't start for a few weeks. Still, we took a box of canned goods to the church; we wanted to help.
A few days later our minister came to our house. The back seat and the trunk of his car were packed with boxes and bags of food.
"I don't want to make you feel bad but it turns out that you are the poorest family in our church, you have the most kids and your husband has been out of work, so we all wanted you to have this food to help you out," the minister said.
He was worried we'd be embarrassed to be the "poorest" family, but the truth was, we were thrilled to get the food and to know people cared about us.
If you know someone who could use a little help, but it would be awkward for you to offer them money, it is easy to buy gift cards and just mail them anonymously. A twenty dollar gift card says "Let me help you; I care."
I have a neighbor who is 85. He's frail and walks with a cane. He has a son who rarely visits him, and he has no other family. The trouble with getting old is that all your family and friends have died.
Bill has his groceries delivered to his doorstep because he can't do his shopping any more. He said he doesn't complain when they forget something or bring him the wrong thing because he's lucky the store delivers.
I told him I'd be happy to pick up anything the store forgot. He said the one food he missed the most was apple butter. He said when he was a boy on the farm, they had an apple orchard and they made their own apple butter. He said that a few years ago, he found a brand of apple butter that almost tasted like his mother made, but the stores stopped carrying it and he hadn't had any of it for a couple of years.
When I got home I did an internet search and found the brand he liked. He was right; no store in our town carried that brand. I found a store 500 miles away that carried the right brand. I ordered two cases of it-24 jars-and had it shipped to me. A week later, I delivered the two boxes of apple butter to Bill. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry and he did both.
He ate a spoon full and said, "I'm a boy again." His happiness made me happy. I'll keep him supplied with apple butter for the rest of his life. A small thing to bring so much joy.
We don't have to save the world; we don't have to carpet the world. We can walk in our own moccasins and help those close to us even if we help them anonymously.
It will do our hearts good.
Crying Wind is the author of Crying Wind and My Searching Heart, When the Stars Danced, and Thunder in Our Hearts, Lightning in Our Veins.
