I grew up in southern Manitoba, mostly in adoptive care and some foster care. Where I grew up there were no other Indigenous people, except for other kids who were in adoptive or foster care. One year in elementary school our class was practicing for a Thanksgiving play. Some kids were supposed to be sailors, some pilgrims, and some Indians. When I volunteered to be an Indian, one of the kids across the room pointed at me and said, "Hey, he's already an Indian!" I still laugh every time I think about that.
In reality I found it hard to feel like I belonged anywhere. A big influence, however, was going to Bible camp in the summer. I remember that the people who worked at camp were very accepting of me. It didn't matter that I was Native or not, or where I came from, I just really felt that they loved me and they accepted me.
When I was in middle school, a friend invited me to his church youth group. I attended with him and I saw in the youth leaders the same acceptance that I had felt at Bible camp. At youth group I felt like I belonged. It was the highlight of my week, a couple hours to be with people where I didn't have to feel like an outsider, or feel worth less than others.
Even though I had the stability of spending most of my growing up years in an adoptive home, I never felt belonging or acceptance, or feeling safe to be myself. However, when I hear stories of other kids in care, I'm thankful that I didn't have to go through as much instability and moving around as some kids do. I kept attending youth group, but when I was around 16 I got into some pretty serious trouble, and I was looking at some consequences for my actions.
But just at that time came a "golden opportunity" to get out of the consequences. Our youth group was going on a missions trip to Mexico. This would be my perfect opportunity to run away! I was a pretty quiet kid, so no one knew too much about me. Somewhere on the trip my plan was to just disappear.
So we were on our way to Mexico in a van. I could have felt lonely, but the leaders and the other teens made me feel part of the group. I saw in all of them something different, something that I liked. To this day I'm thankful that the Holy Spirit was working in me on that trip and protecting me from my own plans. Thankfully, I didn't run away. Now as I look back, I shudder to think about the nightmare that would have caused for the youth leaders!
Along with youth group, I had started attending church – it had been one of the requirements for going on the missions trip. One particular day stands out to me. We were washing dishes after a fund-raising lunch at the church. I can't even remember who was working next to me that day, but I remember the feeling that I really belonged with these people. The boundaries of ethnicity or denomination didn't seem to matter to them.
It was a little after that time that I made a commitment to follow Jesus, and committed to be with His people. I'm thankful that God invited me into His family. I was 17 years old then. And I'm really thankful for God's grace working in my life even long before I acknowledged Him. I think of Mark 12:30,31: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself." That's such a simple commandment, but yet so hard sometimes. When I saw people living it out, like the elder I was washing dishes with that Sunday at church, it's easier to see God's hand.
I first met my wife, Helyn, while going to the same school. Then, after high school, we ended up working on the same farm. We were the only young people working there (all the 30 and 40 year-olds seemed ancient to us at the time!). So we just naturally connected because we were the only young ones. I changed jobs and didn't see her for awhile, but then we reconnected. We got married quite young – I was just 19. So we tell people that, in many ways, we grew up together after we were married.
I worked as a meat cutter and sausage maker, and I served at our church with junior youth. I am so thankful to have a wife like Helyn. There's that old cliche that people joke about ... "She's my better half." With us, it's true – she's a stabilizing factor in my life, for sure. We noticed a full-time opening for employment at a Bible camp, and moved our young family there. I had worked at another camp on previous summers, so I knew a bit about Bible camp. So for several years that is where we have lived and worked. There were campers and school groups coming year-round. I served in maintenance, but my real ministry was working with the young staff, mentoring them. That's what I loved doing the most.
Helyn and I both loved camp work. It's probably because it was at camp that both of us were influenced towards knowing Jesus. One of the great highlights of camp for me is walking alongside the young staff and, for many of them, they're at a stage in their life where they're deciding for themselves, "Is Jesus worth following?" Most of them were from Christian homes, with expectations from their parents, so in their young adult years they're figuring it out for themselves.
We saw many come to make their faith their own at Bible camp. It's no longer just their parents' faith, no longer going to church because their mom and dad are making them, but all of a sudden it's their faith that they're owning for themselves and sharing it by serving at camp. But it's also really hard to watch some of them choose to walk away from the Lord.
I really love the outdoors, and getting to teach outdoor skills at camp and in life. I didn't grow up with any of that, but always longed to be connected to the land. I longed to learn how to fish, trap, hunt, and identify edible plants. I am thankful that I have learned all those skills and have been able to spend much time on the land. I love being in the back country, fishing, hunting, harvesting fur and edible plants. To be on the land is powerful because the land was created by God. The Bible talks about God's glory being declared by His creation.
But I don't just enjoy nature for myself – I enjoy even more introducing other people to the land. When I was a kid and a teenager, I wished that I had some connection to it. There's a lot of people like that who've grown up in an urban setting, and haven't had that opportunity. I believe it is a valuable context in which to talk about how all of nature points to a Creator. Out on the land you also learn about life and death.
After about 10 years of Bible camp work (seven of those years full-time year-round), we resigned and I went back to Bible college. I have a desire to teach the Bible, and both Helyn and I have a growing desire to minister in some way to First Nations people.
I grew up in care, but now I have children of my own. I remember when our first child was born and, in that moment, being filled with love like I've never had before for this totally helpless, totally dependent baby. It was an overwhelming experience for me. Helyn and I now have four children, three sons and a daughter. Both of us had instability growing up, and one of the things we're intentional about is being present for our kids, and accepting of who they are. And I really hope that they all want to have the same outdoor hobbies that I do! But even if they don't, I want to do their favourite things with them.
We're thankful that our kids won't have to experience the things that we experienced. We can stop that cycle, that generational repeat of trauma and pain. I've met other people who are examples to me of stopping that cycle. But, sadly, I also think of friends and family who have just accepted that this is how it's always going to be. They think they can never have a good family because of the situation they were born into. It's so heartbreaking to hear that because, actually, we all do have that choice to change things.
We can't do that on our own, though. We need to rely on God and the Holy Spirit to change us from the inside and to heal us from the inside. I would say to any young person who is in foster care, or to someone who is finding it difficult to belong in an adoptive family, that there is a Creator God who loves you and gave His Son Jesus. He values you, and He hurts with you. When it feels like the whole world has discarded you, there is one Person who gave everything for you. That is Jesus.
Josh's story is adapted from his two video interviews with Tribal Trails (Tribaltrails.org). Used by permission.
