I was picking out a Valentine's card for my wife. One section read, "Apology Cards." I was curious. Flipping through them, I found mostly excuses.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking." "I didn't mean it." "I experienced temporary insanity." "I'm sorry for offending you."
In school, one child was told to write an apology to a friend. He wrote, "Dear Brody, Miss P. made me write you this note. All I want to say sorry for . . . is for not being sorry cause I tried to feel sorry but I don't. Signed, Liam."
Adults do this too. One said, "Sorry for the mean, awful, accurate things I've said."
On Halloween, a mom left on the table a note for her kids and surrounded it with empty wrappers. It said, "A pregnant woman lives here and ate all your candy." Under it was a big frowny face.
Sometimes adults get it right. Like the one who took out a classified ad in the newspaper: "To the driver who beeped at me for going out of turn at the four-way stop, 13th and Belmont, 6 pm Thursday, 20th: I was wrong. You were right. Sorry."
Or the roommate who wrote, "Dear Chris, Sorry dude. I ate the rest of your pizza and bread sticks. I was really hungry . . . but that's no excuse. I will buy pizza for all of us next week to atone for my crimes."
A meaningful apology makes no excuse. It never includes the words, "but," or "if I offended you." A genuine apology makes it much easier to forgive. It softens rage and humiliation. It erodes misunderstanding, shows respect, and builds trust.
When we accept blame and apologize, we show regret, accept responsibility, and provide a remedy.
When police officer Andrew Collins falsified a report, Jameel McGee was thrown into prison for four years. Sitting in his cell, McGee wanted nothing more than to kill the cop who lied about him. Anger consumed him. Though he would later be exonerated, he had lost everything. Meanwhile, Officer Collins was exposed for who he was, and he too spent time behind bars.
In prison, both men came to ultimate freedom through faith in Jesus Christ. "[The hate] had me messed up for a while," McGee admitted. But finally he confessed his sin to God. Then to investigators, then to his wife.
In 2015, the two men learned that they were working together at the same company. So, in humility, Collins told McGee, 'Honestly, I have no explanation. All I can do is say I'm sorry."
"It was pretty much what I needed to hear," McGee remembers, and he offered Collins the gift of forgiveness. Both had experienced the incomparable grace and mercy of God, and they were reconciled.
"Fools make fun of guilt," says Proverbs 14:9, "but the godly acknowledge it and seek reconciliation."
Collins says, "If you're holding something against somebody, let go of the bitterness because it's like drinking poison . . . hoping it's hurting them."
Let's make no excuses, let's make things right. Don't use a card or wait another day. And don't do what one adult did. He painted huge letters on a building, "I'm sorry for this graffiti."
Phil Callaway is an author and speaker whose wife has forgiven him 70 times 7. Visit him at philcallaway.com.
