I was at an engagement party for friends of a friend. I didn't know the couple and was caught by surprise when I was asked to make a toast.
I lifted my glass of punch and said, "May you always steal, lie and cheat . . . "
The bride-to-be slammed down her glass and rushed out of the room, followed by the groom-to- be.
The mother-in-law to-be put down her glass and left the room.
People stared at me.
"I wasn't finished yet . . . " I explained. "The toast is supposed to be, may you always steal each other's hearts, may you always lie only in each other's arms, and may you both cheat death for a hundred years."
I thought it was a nice toast but nobody else "got it."
My friend who had invited me to the party had suddenly disappeared, and I was alone in a room full of strange people who were not happy with me. I considered searching for the couple and explaining the rest of the toast, but I decided it was a good time for me to leave.
I've said a great many things in my life that I wish I hadn't said.
I've been told that everything we say travels out into the universe and echoes among the planets and stars. I hope that isn't true.
Words are powerful. When I was a child, my family called me, "Double Ugly" because they said I was twice as ugly as anyone else in the family. I used to sit with my hand covering my face. I never heard a kind word from anyone until I was nineteen years old. I was riding a bus to work, and an elderly man across from me smiled and said, "You have a very lovely face, a noble face, I bet there was royalty in your ancestry."
I stopped holding my hand in front of my face.
The man got off the bus and I never saw him again but he made me feel like a million dollars. I wasn't "Double Ugly" anymore, I had a noble face and I was descended from royalty. His compliment changed my life.
Sadly, when we are kids, we say horrible things to other kids that scar them for life. We make fun of them for being too skinny or too fat or too short or too tall. We are kids and we don't realize that things we say can hurt someone for the next 50 years.
I wish I could turn time back and take back every unkind thing I ever said.
Unfortunately, it would take years and I'd be an adult before I learned if I couldn't say something nice to say nothing at all.
I don't need to express my opinion on every subject. Be kind or be quiet.
I knew a woman, a very sweet, quiet woman who was forty-nine years old and had never married. She wasn't pretty but was attractive, and she was nice. Everyone liked her. Her name was Gwen Smith.
I was so happy for her when I received a Christmas card from her signed, "Gwen Johnson." She'd found someone and gotten married!
A few weeks later I ran into her at church and I gave her a hug and congratulated her on her marriage. The trouble was, she had not married. I apologized and explained my Christmas card had a different name on it, and I thought she had married.
I'll never forget the stricken look on her face. She was hurt, embarrassed and humiliated. I was embarrassed beyond belief. Apparently, my card had been from another woman named Gwen and I had mixed up the two women. At least twenty people witnessed the mistake.
I apologized, but it was too little, too late. The damage was done and could not be undone. It was an easy mistake to make. I never intended to embarrass her, but I had. It was a small misunderstanding but it was not small to her and she never spoke to me again.
To all those I've hurt or embarrassed, I'm sorry. I wish I could take back my words and erase the pain. I wish I could live my life over and do everything right.
And keep my big mouth shut.
Crying Wind is the author of Crying Wind, My Searching Heart, When the Stars Danced, Thunder in Our Hearts, Lightning in Our Veins, and Stars in the Desert. See https://www.indianlife.org/store/page/2/.
