I've just finished going through an eight-year journey with my daughter, who recently passed away at the age of 22. She was diagnosed with cancer when she was 15, but after chemotherapy, that cancer went away and never came back. Then at the age of 19, she was diagnosed with stage three ovarian cancer, which over the course of three years ravished her body until she left this world to be with Jesus. It was a very rough journey that I just came through. There were many sacrifices, but with it, we experienced many times of pure joy.
I know many readers can relate to this. Perhaps you have cancer and don't know how much time you have left on this earth. Or maybe you know someone who has cancer. No matter what side of this coin you are on with regards to cancer, it's tough, it's hard, and it takes you through the wringer. It squeezes you until you feel you have nothing left to give, nothing else to say.
To deal with the healing of my heart as I've been grieving my daughter's passing, I've shed many tears. I shed many tears before she passed and many tears after she passed. This is the way God created me. He designed for us to cry. This is one of the ways that we heal and have the ability to move forward.
First Samuel 30:1–4 talks about when the family members of King David's warriors were stolen in a raid by his enemies. "Three days later, when David and his men arrived home at their town of Ziklag, they found that the Amalekites had made a raid into the Negev and Ziklag; they had crushed Ziklag and burned it to the ground. They had carried off the women and children and everyone else but without killing anyone. When David and his men saw the ruins and realized what had happened to their families, they wept until they could weep no more."
Psalm 6:6–7 says, "I am worn out from sobbing. All night I flood my bed with weeping, drenching it with my tears. My vision is blurred by grief; my eyes are worn out because of all my enemies."
In both passages we see a glimpse into King David's life and see how even he cried to deal with the grief in his life. This is how God designed us. Crying helps us heal from whatever hurt surrounds us. It's not something just for women and children. It's a man thing too.
We as Indigenous people have a great sense of humor and sometimes we go too far with our humor. Yet, laughing is the way God designed us too. I know that among my fellow Cree people of western Canada a traditional teaching says when someone dies, not cry for four days. Why? According to these traditional teachings it's to allow our loved ones spirit cross over to the other side into the spiritual realm. Then, after four days, it's okay to cry. I don't personally believe in this approach, but this is how my people have learned to approach crying when someone dies.
The Bible also talks about how when crying happens, joy will soon follow. Psalm 30:5 says, " Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning." The Bible also talks about when this life is over and when time stops there will be no more crying and weeping. Revelation 21:4 says, "'He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death' or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." God gives us the ability to cry now in this lifetime as a way to heal from the hurts that come at us from all directions.
No matter what is going on in your life right now, I encourage you to cry and let it out. By not allowing yourself to cry, you suppress the way God made us. To stuff the pain deep down only leads to addictions and anger. Find people who love and support you, and have a good cry. If you're by yourself, let it out and allow God, the Creator of the universe and the Creator of your body, soul and spirit to heal.
Parry Stelter is originally from Alexandar First Nation, which is part of Treaty Six Territory. He's pastor, author, speaker, preacher, Bible teacher, and workshop facilitator.
