My testimony is really that with God all things are possible. Without God, I would never be able to do any of the things that I'm doing today. A lot of my story has to do with the struggles I faced as a young girl growing up with abandonment and addiction in my family from generation to generation.
I have lost a sister to addictions, and my mother is in addiction. I've never known my father. I am the oldest, and my three siblings and I were all separated into foster care. My perception of family and relationships was really broken and not God's plan. I had been through six addiction treatment plans and nothing ever worked until I experienced the love of Jesus Christ through Teen Challenge.
I was born in Edmonton and raised pretty much all over Alberta because of abandonment. I was even in the States for a while-then an aunt and uncle brought us back and we stayed with them until my mom could provide for us again. Then she would fall back into addiction, and we'd be split up again in different directions, as I was bounced from one home to another until age nine. Then, until age 13, my brother and I lived with my grandmother in a Métis settlement in BC. I lost my connections with my sisters.
Our little community had just one pay phone in the middle of the community, which included a school and some houses. The community was very close-knit. We didn't really go out anywhere. It was a settled life. When I began grade seven, I took a bus into a neighbouring community for school. That year, I got into a car accident. My grandma had told me not to ride with a certain boy, but my friend and I did. We got into an accident, and I watched my best friend die. I fractured my femur and collarbone. The trauma was horrific.
I had questions about life and death back then, but I didn't really think about God. The community I lived in had a church, but we never went to it. By then my grandmother was elderly and struggling to care for me. After I was in the hospital for two months because of my leg, I moved to a group home. I was supposed to get some help there, but I ended up hooking up with some bad kids who were experimenting with drugs and alcohol.
Then my mom showed up, after I'd been in the group home for a year. She took me to Red Deer with her, but she was still struggling with addictions and ended up in prison. So there I was-all alone in her apartment, not knowing what to do. I was running out of food, and I knew somebody would come to collect the rent.
People I'd met through my mom offered me a place to sleep on their couch. I did that for a couple months, eventually meeting a boy. I got into that relationship basically using it for a place to live, even though I knew it wasn't right to be having sex. I got pregnant three times by the time I was 18. I was told to go have abortions, and I didn't feel like I had a choice. I just did what I was told by my boyfriend's mom. Then, instead of dealing with life the right way, I drank and partied.
On so many levels I already felt hopeless and broken by the time I was 17. My mom was back in jail when I ended up with an insurance claim from the car accident. When I turned 18, I got all that money. With no budgeting skills or advice, I blew close to $20,000 in one month. Soon I was walking the streets of Edmonton, not having anywhere to go, and my bank account was empty. It was my first experience with prostitution. I didn't really intend to sell my body, but I needed to find somewhere to take care of myself-a place to shower or somewhere to sleep.
At age 18, I met a man, and lived with him. I was still not doing hard drugs, just drinking. I got pregnant and because I was now 20, I knew I could have this baby. I had a little girl, and she and I moved back home with my grandma. My grandma taught me how to change diapers and how to care for my baby. Those were some of the best days of my life up to that point; but Grandma passed away from a heart attack a year or so later.
I remember the emptiness. I thought, "What am I going to do now?"
I dealt with the pain of losing my grandmother the same way I'd dealt with other losses-with drugs and alcohol. It helped me forget, but it made my life worse. I ended up in jail, ultimately giving up my daughter for adoption. She was adopted into a great family. One day, I'm going to be so blessed to meet her.
I got shipped down to Lethbridge Correctional Centre for fighting in the Fort Saskatchewan jail. That was my attitude at that time-I didn't want to be around anybody. When I was in Lethbridge Correctional, they had chapel services, so I attended, just to get out of my cell. The chapels always had this same message: "God loves you."
I thought, Who is God? And what is love?
I already knew what the world told me about love. The chapel leaders talked about Jesus, but the Bible seemed like a strange book to me.
One night in my cell I had a bad chest pain. I noticed the other girl in my cell was reading her Bible. I was getting ready to press the emergency button to call for help, when my cellmate said, "If you want God to take away that pain, He will."
I yelled at her, "Stop talking about this God! I'm not asking Him!"
But as I walked to the emergency button, I muttered under my breath, "Well, if there is a God, take away this pain."
And He did! His presence was very real. I started crying, and my cellmate asked, "Do you want to invite Him into your heart right now?"
I answered, "Yes, but what does that mean?"
At my first opportunity, I asked the church group that came in for chapel to tell me more about God. I knew He was real, and I wanted to be a Christ follower. They helped me while I was in jail, and after my release. I got involved with the Streets Alive Mission in Lethbridge for a while-but then I allowed my addictions to take over.
This time, I ended up on the streets of Calgary. I had run away from what I knew to be true, and I ended up in an abusive relationship with a man I thought I loved, with a broken jaw and committing actions that led to a five-year prison sentence.
I had a baby while in prison. In all, I spent 15 years in and out of prisons in Calgary and Lethbridge. I knew the prison guards' names. It was just so hopeless. In 2015, I was doing a short sentence when I got a phone call from my mom, who was in another prison. She called to tell me my sister had died from a drug overdose. I was shocked. I thought she was doing well-she was a dental assistant and had two young boys.
I got on my knees and said, "God, what now?"
I didn't know whom else to cry out to. I think a person can get to a place of complete abandon, where we can only call on the name of the Lord. And I did that. I said, "Lord, I need You. I can't do this anymore."
I was ashamed and broken. I told the prison that I needed treatment, and asked them to call the people from the Bible study.
I was given the option of spending a year at Teen Challenge, and I knew it was the right thing to do. The prison let me use a computer to apply online. That was the moment my life changed! I entered the program six days after I was released from prison. Some people from the Streets Alive Mission drove me out to B.C., and some from my Lethbridge Bible study support group paid for my fee for the whole year.
God has done so much for me since then! God used Scripture a lot in my healing process. At Teen Challenge, you memorize 72 Scripture verses throughout the year.
During my years of addictions on the streets, I heard people talking about God, but I thought it was just a lot of "talk." But now that I'm living by God's power, I know that the kingdom of God is not just a lot of talk-it's real.
Romans 13:14 was a Scripture that God used greatly. It says, "Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh."
While at Teen Challenge, I remember going for walks and quoting that verse. And I remember waking up in the morning and saying to myself, "Today I do not think about how to gratify the desires of my flesh. I'm going to clothe myself with Jesus Christ today."
During my treatment year, I had Christian counselling with a lady who helped me walk through a lot of the strongholds that were in my life-especially feelings of worthlessness I carried from an early age because of being abandoned.
I graduated from Teen Challenge in January 2017, and after graduation I had the privilege of serving there in leadership training. I've made mistakes in my life, but I know that God sees me through the lens of Jesus Christ. He sees me as spotless and blameless and pure. He sees me as His daughter, His child. He is quick to save when we call on His name.
Adapted from Selena's video interviews with Tribal Trails TV. To see Selena's interviews and other inspiring testimonies, see https://www.tribaltrails.org/.
