I grew up with nine brothers and four sisters in northwest Saskatchewan, near two communities-the First Nations Reserve at Dillon and the nearby Métis community of Buffalo Narrows, home to Denesuline, Cree and Caucasian people.
My dad was a commercial fisherman and a trapper, and my mom and dad worked so hard for us. Being the oldest of the boys, at the age of nine, I started helping my dad, going out fishing with him. My dad was away from home quite a bit, working on big lakes north from where we grew up.
Because I was the oldest, and working with my dad, I got to see other places. But ours was a dysfunctional home, due to alcohol and other things. When my dad and mom both drank, it was no fun. So there were sad times. Sometimes my sister and I had to look after our younger brothers and sisters when our parents were not home.
I grew up in a hurry with those responsibilities. (Later on my parents became followers of Jesus and their lives changed.) Because I was always working with my dad, I never even finished grade two.
As I was growing up, I had a void in my life, and I was lonely. Sometimes I thought that my siblings were loved more than I was-but really, it was God's love that I was seeking, not just my parents' love.
I left home at the age of 17 and went to Alberta to work. I had said that I would never be like my parents, but I got caught up in the same drinking.
Five years later, I came home to Dillon, and that summer was one of the hardest in my life. I remember crossing the lake to reach home, and I saw men searching for a body. It was one of my buddies that I grew up with. He and his buddy were drinking alcohol in their boat when it hit some ice, and the boat went out from underneath them. They tried to swim to shore but never made it.
I drank more that summer. A couple times, I, too, fell overboard into a lake while under the influence of alcohol, but I always managed to get back into the boat. Sometimes I thought, Why don't I just let go of the boat and be done with it?
That fall, a young schoolteacher came into our village. I was attracted to her, and I pursued a relationship. In April, we were married. The next five years, I was a weekend drinker, but it didn't bring me any happiness. Emptiness always followed.
We moved to Edmonton for a while, where I worked, and that was where our first son was born. Later we moved back to Dillon, and during that time, our second son was born.
My job was on a forest fire lookout tower. Then I began working as a carpenter and wanted to pursue my journeyman's certification. That would require upgrading my education. Laura, being a schoolteacher, encouraged me to do that.
So we moved with our two boys to Meadow Lake for schooling. That's when I got appendicitis. When I went for my operation, I met a Christian nurse. He befriended our whole family, gave us meals, and took us to their church. I soon realized that I wanted what these Christians had. This nurse didn't know my culture or my language, but I saw God's love demonstrated in his life and in his family.
While we were in Meadow Lake, our oldest son, who was four years old, got sick with spinal meningitis. He was taken by ambulance to Saskatoon. Laura went with him, and I stayed home with our toddler son. A couple of churches in Meadow Lake took an interest in us, and they even helped us financially.
I remember asking my cousin's husband to drive me to the hospital in Saskatoon because I was too upset to drive. When I got there, my wife and my mother-in-law came out to meet me and said, "The doctor says he is not going to make it. If he ever made it, someone is going to look after him for the rest of his life."
My nurse friend and other Christians in Meadow Lake prayed for us. The Lord healed our son, and he recovered!
Laura started going to Bible studies. She was a backslidden Christian, who had accepted the Lord at 12 years of age. She soon rededicated her life to the Lord and encouraged me to read the Bible. I had never read a Bible, but I had heard bits and pieces of Bible stories. Laura encouraged me to start reading the Book of John.
My friend shared with me Romans 3:23. It says, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."
I understood that I fell short and I could not reach God. I realized that I was doomed because all people are born with a sinful nature, and I was also doomed because of the way I lived. I could not earn my way into Heaven, so basically, I was lost!
But Romans 6:23 says, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus."
My grandfather used to say to me, "When you're out swimming in the middle of the lake and you get tired, you can't grab on anything but water. And you're going down, you're going to drown, but when somebody throws you a life jacket, you need to get a hold of that life jacket."
In that sense, Jesus is my life jacket. When He died on the cross to pay for my sins, He saved me from going to a lost eternity, being apart from God. So I asked Jesus to be my Lord and Savior. It was a turning point in my life. Second Corinthians 5:17 says, "Therefore if anyone in Christ, he's a new creature; the old has gone and the new has come."
The following years, we lived in Buffalo Narrows and I worked as a carpenter. We added two girls to our family and later moved to Alberta to attend Bible school. Then we began full-time missionary work among my own Denesuline people. Next, we moved to serve in Tadoule Lake, northern Manitoba. Then we moved to Prince Albert, Saskatchewan.
In 2002 our oldest son, Gilbert Lawrence Junior, attended Bible college; then he trained in natural resource management, and was about to start a new job. I remember one Sunday after he had listened to our pastor's message, he asked me to explain some Bible verses to him. The next day, on Monday evening, two police officers knocked on our door. The officers' initial questions were puzzling. They asked the whereabouts of our daughter, Christina, who happened to be right there with us.
Things soon became clearer. A fatal car collision had occurred earlier that day west of Meadow Lake (SK), with one vehicle burned. Gilbert Jr. had left Prince Albert that morning in his sister's car on his way to start his new job in Yellowknife, NWT.
I couldn't sleep that night. In the morning I tried to call Junior's cell phone-I still hoped that maybe someone had stolen his car and that's who was in the accident. Laura seemed strong, but I was not. Earlier I might have thought I was strong, but I was not prepared for losing my oldest son.
Our church and missionary friends tried to comfort us. A gathering filled our church. Many friends and relatives stood up and shared memories of Gilbert Jr., from various stages of his life.
What I thought of a lot of during those difficult days is how God used Gilbert Jr. in my life, especially what he went through at age four with spinal meningitis. That's what it took for me to come to Christ. Alcohol had dominated my life. Until then I'd lived with brokenness, loneliness and lostness. That's also when Laura rededicated her life to the Lord.
During and after the funeral, I felt emotionally numb, just going through the motions. Then came a period of deep questioning and a feeling of helplessness.
I walked by myself in the middle of the night crying my heart out to God. I didn't want to cry in front of my wife and children. I didn't want my grief to get in the way of helping them to heal. I remember Romans 8:28 being quoted about God working for good in all things by people with good intentions, but that verse didn't bring any comfort. At the time, I was thinking, what could be worse than losing a son?
We appreciated all the phone calls we received from near and far. When we were down, somebody would call us, asking how we were doing. Or we'd get an email or card that encouraged us. That's what kept us going, but something else has made a difference. It was our ministry. I didn't take a break.
Right after the funeral we went on with our missionary work. We kept visiting people in Prince Albert and up north on outreach trips. I kept visiting men in the jails. I helped translate the JESUS Movie into the Denesuline language. Even now, the more I see people in the state they're in-their lostness without Christ-then I forget about myself and my problems.
We still thank the Lord for healing our son when he was young and giving him back to us for 25 more years. We've been through darkness, but we still need to help those less fortunate, those who don't have the Gospel. Yes, there is still grief and questioning for us. Romans 8:28, though, has taken on new and deeper meaning. That verse is not just for this world, but also for the world to come. That's how I now understand it. In God's big picture, it will all work together for good.
We have to go on with our lives, and the fact that we are going to see Junior again in Heaven, that encourages me. We've learned that when you keep on trusting the Lord, He will help you through your grieving. We don't understand why, but God understands what He's doing. He's always in control because He's God. And He'll help you through, too.
Adapted from our Tribal Trails interviews, and from Gilbert's radio interview with Without Reservation (www.withoutreservation.org).
