I was born in Woodstock, New Brunswick, and am the youngest of four children. In my earlier years, my parents moved to St. Mary's Reserve in Fredericton.
As far back as I can remember, there was a lot of alcoholism right in my home. People from my reserve, people from off the reserve, Native and non-Native people would come in to get alcohol and to drink. But my mom and dad weren't alcoholics themselves. They just drank a little socially.
By the time I was 11 or 12, I was smoking, but I hid it from my parents. I remember when I first came home drunk, I was probably 13 or 14. I kept attending school, even though it was tough, getting into trouble and all. I graduated from high school. I then went on to a community college in Moncton and graduated.
I had begun to experiment with marijuana when I was about 11 or 12. I used to smoke it to get high. My friends and I would sit around and laugh, and it just became a normal part of my life. But it progressed to heavier drugs and alcohol. By the time I was 16, I was using acid, weed, pills, and alcohol.
I was 19 when I met Melody in Fredericton through a mutual friend at a party. We started dating, but it was always rocky-you know, when there's alcohol and drugs involved, everything is so dramatic. But even though our first four or five years together were rocky, we decided, "Well, let's get married!"
Just prior to getting married, I was introduced to cocaine, and it became a normal part of my life. It did something to me. Drinking would make me sluggish and kind of tired. But cocaine just seemed to reverse that. So I could drink for two or three days while I was on cocaine. I could drink for a week if I wanted to. That became my life for about 10 years.
Melody had been raised in a Christian home. Whenever her mother had a chance, she would speak to me about Jesus. One day, she had invited me to a youth gathering at their church.
I wasn't really comfortable in the church. I remember a sign they had at the front: "Christ is alive" or "Jesus is alive." I sat there looking at that sign. I remember they were playing songs on the guitar and singing songs about Jesus. I thought, "Wow, this is great!" Music was a part of my life, and I had never heard people sing songs like that. I was used to organ music in church and hadn't expected to hear music that would appeal to me.
But I kept looking at "Jesus is alive" sign. I asked Melody, "What's that sign all about?"
"Well, Jesus is alive," she answered.
"No, He's not! He's not alive. He's dead." I was brought up going to church, and each time I'd see Jesus up there on the cross . . . dead.
I couldn't quite grasp that Jesus was alive so, sitting there, I kept asking Melody questions. The word "Easter" came up and Melody said, "Well, you know, Easter is when He rose again."
"He rose again?" I said. Then I thought if all the people in this church believed that, they must all be crazy. I said, "Let's go. I'm not sticking around here. These people are foolish."
And I never went back. But I found out later that Melody's mother was praying for me.
So I knew a little bit about Jesus because Melody's mom had planted the seed. I kept drinking with my friends every chance I got. And when you drink a lot, it makes you feel guilty when you sober up. You ask yourself, "Okay, what am I doing with my life?" Even when you're young, it's no different-you care about your life. I did.
I was watching TV one day, and there was this guy playing the piano and talking about Jesus. I thought I'd check it out. I remember he said, "Jesus loves you. Will you surrender your life to Him? Will you just give up and ask Him to come into your life? He'll change you right where you're at."
I wondered, "How?"
But I knew that's what I wanted to do-because my life definitely was not what it should be. So I locked my apartment door, and I shut the curtains. I thought, "If any of my friends come, I'm dead."
What I was doing was "religion" and "Jesus." That was taboo in my community and circle of friends.
I remember saying, "I'm going to give Him a chance."
I got on my knees in my apartment. I remember the tears streaming down my cheeks. I know that there couldn't be anybody on the whole planet that day who meant it any more than I did. I said, "Jesus, I'm a sinner. I need you in my life. Will you come in?"
In all those years that Melody and I battled with our marriage, all those years that I battled with drugs and alcohol . . . in all those years we just had no hope in our lives. In the following years, every now and again I'd return in my head back to that day in my apartment. I would remember what I'd prayed, and I would pray it again. And every time, it seemed that nothing had changed.
I thought something was supposed to happen. How could God change my life if nothing happens? I didn't know what was supposed to happen, but I knew there must be some indication that my life would change. I remember even getting to the point where I detested anything to do with God. I started to believe that there was no God. It must just be a fairy tale like Peter Pan.
I found out later that Melody's mother was refusing to give up on me. She was still praying, even though to her it all looked quite impossible. I began to realize that each time I called out to God, He was answering my prayers. Sometimes I'd pray, "Jesus, will you help me?" And I would feel at peace.
When I truly confessed that Jesus is Lord and believed in my heart that God raised him from the dead, I started to see God working in my life! I remember saying to God, "I can't do this on my own. How will I ever live a Christian life when everyone finds out I'm going to church?"
I prayed, "Lord, if there's somebody else in this community that's like me, can you direct me to them?"
Shortly after, I met Martin & Sue Bear. Through our mutual friends, they connected with us. God brought us together in a mighty way and we've been just like brothers and sisters in the Lord ever since! We began weekly Bible studies on our reserve. It began in our homes, but as more people came we moved to a bigger building.
Richard Paul is Wolastoqiyik First Nation from New Brunswick. Besides sharing his life story on Tribal Trails TV, he has also sung worship songs that he's written. The above was adapted from our video interview with Richard & Melody. You can find the interview at TribalTrails.org.
