Many years ago, I knew an old man named Regret. He was 93 years old, had to walk with two canes and weighed less than a hundred pounds. When young, he'd been a cowboy; later he was a rancher. He was a treasure, had wonderful stories to tell and had a heart of gold.
Regret was born in 1931. His mother gave birth to him at home and died moments after he was born. Her final word was, "Regret."
His father blamed him for his mother's death and named the boy, "Regret." Regret grew up with the curse that he had caused his mother's death. His father hated him and mistreated the boy.
Regret had a brother named Tom who was three years older than he was. When Regret was five years old, his father died from a heart attack. Some neighbors gave Regret and Tom a home in exchange for the twenty-acre farm Regret's father had owned. Regret and Tom were nearly worked to death until when Tom was sixteen and Regret was thirteen. That's when they ran away. They moved to a small town and survived doing odd jobs and living in a stable.
When Tom was seventeen he packed his belongings into a feed sack and hopped a freight train. Regret never saw his brother again; he was completely alone in the world.
Regret got a job on a ranch. He had grown into a strong, tall, good-looking young man, and the rancher's daughter fell in love with him. She asked him why he was called Regret. He said it was because his birth had killed his mother, and that was the only word she spoke to him before she died; that she'd regretted bringing him into the world.
The rancher's daughter, Daisy, told him he was wrong. His mother didn't regret giving birth to him. She knew she was dying and regretted not living to love him and take care of him.
Regret was stunned. He had never thought his mother had loved him, and that her final word might mean she regretted dying and not being there to raise him and love him. Daisy had turned his world upside down. His mother had loved him. She had wanted to live to care for him and raise him. His birth had not killed his mother. She had loved him; she regretted leaving him alone.
Regret's world changed. He had been loved, and he soon realized Daisy loved him. When Regret married Daisy, her father made him a partner on the ranch. He had a woman to love, he had a real home and they had four sons. People often asked him why he never changed his name, and he said it was the only thing his mother had ever given him.
Regret lives on the ranch where he spent his life. He lives with his oldest son. He has twenty grandchildren, and so many great-grandchildren, and great-great-grandchildren. He's had a good life. No regrets.
We all have regrets. We all wish we could change our past or forget unhappy memories. We regret things we've done; we regret things we didn't do. We regret hurting people; we regret letting people hurt us.
I don't regret things I've done wrong as much as I regret things I've done right for the wrong people. I've sacrificed time, work, money, love and friendship for people who didn't deserve it, didn't appreciate it and who used and abused me.
When I was young, I tried to "earn" love and friendship. I did too much, sacrificed too much, gave too much. It was impossible for me to say, "No" to anyone who wanted anything.
We all have regrets. We all wish we could turn time back and undo things we've done or said, but we can't. What is done is done and cannot be undone. We have to let go of the past and move forward. No regrets.
In the old days, the Indian New Year started when the people heard the first thunder in the spring and when the ground had thawed enough to stick their fingers into the thawed earth up to their first knuckle.
We have a wonderful New Year ahead of us: 2025. Let's make it a shiny, clean, happy New Year, a new opportunity to be happy, love and be loved and laugh. We have a New Year, a clean slate, a fresh start. Let's make this the best, happiest year ever!
The Bible says, "Forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forth unto those things which are before" (Philippians 3:14).
Crying Wind is the author of Crying Wind, My Searching Heart, When the Stars Danced, Thunder in Our Hearts, Lightning in
Our Veins, and Stars in the Desert. You can order your copy by using the form on p. 18, or contact us at Indian Life Ministries (IndianLife.org).
